Insanely Mine
by sachi-sama
Summary: Shizuo doesn't need to question his reason to be happy. He's got everything he needs with Izaya at his side. But lately, the raven has been changing. Thus begins the series of events that lead to disaster. Prequel to Insanely Yours!
1. Chapter 1

_Yay, early update for you! I had a very long day, so it's time to unwind. Plus, you can thank Rai Rai Blue for being awesome, and a sweetie! So, a few announcements. This is going to be different than the first story, which will be made more apparent as we move along. Izaya is going to be a little OOC, because he was in character for the first part, and he changed a lot, if you remember! But not to worry, he'll gradually shift into his usual self. Think of him as Psyche! Izaya. For any of you who have not read 'Insanely Yours', __**STOP READING THIS NOW! **__Seriously, go read that first, or you will ruin the ending for yourself! This is the prequel. Yes, this is how the comic book was written. I did the last part first, and the first part last. Why? Think it works better this way. Now, for those who DID read the first part, let's move on, shall we?_

**_Disclaimer: _**_I don't own the characters. BLAAAHHHH. Rub it in, why don't you?!_

* * *

_Restart _

It was still relatively early. Izaya could tell by the bright sunlight streaming into his windows, because the sun was literally right in his face. He groaned, and tried to bury himself in his covers. It was then he noticed he wasn't alone. Again.

Shizuo, his best friend, was asleep behind him, one arm thrown across his waist. He sighed, and then began swatting at the blonde's face, attempting to wake him up.

"Shizu-chaaaaaaaaan!" he sang, swatting more forcefully. There was no movement from the other male, which irked the raven. "SHIZU-CHAN!" he hissed, holding Shizuo's nose between his fingers until he gasped for air, and jerked away. His mocha eyes opened slowly.

"What the fuck's your deal, Louse?" he grumbled, shielding himself under his pillow. Izaya gave him a smirk.

"I was simply wondering why you're in my bed again, Brute," he said sweetly. When there was no response for a few moments, he knew the blonde had fallen asleep again. "HEY! Shizu-chan! Wake the hell up! We have school, you know!"

"I know, I know," Shizuo moaned, still unwilling to wake up. Slowly, he threw off the covers, and sat up to rub his eyes. Izaya watched him interestedly.

"What time did you get here?" he asked his older friend.

"I dunno. It was early though. I would've called, but, you know. I didn't think about it at the time…" The blonde yawned toothily, and turned to look at Izaya fully. The raven's carmine eyes grew impossibly wide.

"Shizu-chan!" he gasped, tugging the older male closer. "Your face is bruised!"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. My dad…kinda caught me."

"…You should've called me…"

"I came here with you, didn't I? There's no point in you going there. My parents hate you. Dad especially."

"Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual."

It was quiet for a moment as Izaya ran his fingers across the purple bruise on Shizuo's jaw. His eyes were pained, but he didn't say anything else about the subject. Sadly, he was used to his older friend running to his house in the middle of the night to escape being beaten by his father. It wasn't exactly a secret among any of their friends either. The blonde's home life was detestable, and more often than not, he would have little injuries he tried to hide, but every now and then, they would be on his face, making them impossible to cover up.

"Why don't we go see if Mom made breakfast yet?" Izaya asked, removing his hand from Shizuo's face. To his surprise, the blonde pulled his hand back into his grasp, and kissed his fingers. "Shizu-chan?"

"Thanks…"

"Now, now. Don't go being all sweet on me. I won't know how to act."

They entered the kitchen, where Izaya's mother stood over the stove. She looked up at the pair.

"Shizuo! I didn't know you were here," she greeted.

"I got here late, sorry," the blonde said as he pulled up a chair next to the younger male. Izaya was already eating toast that had been on the table, but not before spreading an ungodly amount of jam on the bread. Shizuo followed his lead.

"You know how he is, Mom," the raven said between bites. "He likes to sneak into rooms in the middle of the night."

"Oh? And I suppose you're entirely blameless, since you always leave your window cracked for such occasions?" his mother answered, pouring eggs onto a plate for both teens. Izaya stuck his tongue out at her, and jammed the rest of his toast in his mouth. Shizuo smiled at the exchange.

Ever since he could remember, the Oriharas had been his family. He and Izaya had become friends in Elementary school, despite Shizuo being in a grade ahead of the younger male. They lived close together, and very soon, the blonde found himself being invited to stay at the Orihara household. He wasn't sure exactly when he started inviting himself, but Izaya never seemed to mind. In fact, he seemed pleased to always have the attention. Mrs. Megumi, his mother, often said it was because the younger male had to have constant spotlight, but Izaya would often disagree. Shizuo found the Orihara family treated him more as a member than his own family did, despite having more members.

Kanra, Izaya's older sister, walked in the room. She grinned knowingly at Shizuo, who frowned at her. She was always giving him that stare, especially when he was near the raven. Her eyes were similar to Izaya's, but a little different in their expressions. Hers weren't as playful. However, every member of the Orihara family had the same mischievous glint hidden in their garnet depths.

"'Sup, Shizzy?" Kanra said, grabbing her own plate of food. "What time did you slink in Izzy's bed last night?"

"Late," Shizuo replied. He couldn't help but wonder for the hundredth time why exactly the two siblings could never call him by his real name.

"It's always late when you get here," Kanra purred. "And I can't help but notice you never use the guest bedroom. Why do you think that is?"

Shizuo's face grew hot, but luckily, he wasn't made to answer.

"You'll find none of your business over here, Kanra," Izaya jeered, flicking crumbs across the table at his sister. "So stop with the questions." She glared at him as she wiped the crumbs off her shirt sleeve.

"Stop it, you two," Megumi sighed. "Honestly, you're both getting too old to argue so often." She was often the referee in such situations, because Izaya's father worked almost all the tme. He was in advertising, and always seemed to be out promoting things, or introducing things. He was currently on a trip across the country.

"I wasn't arguing. I was simply asking straightforward questions," Kanra defended.

"Which is called instigating in some circles," Izaya responded.

"I said to _stop_."

Again, Shizuo could only smile, feeling more at home than he ever felt in his own house.

* * *

"Come _on_, Shizu-chan!" Izaya whined, tugging on the blonde's sleeve. "We're gonna be late!"

"It's not even close to being time for school!" Shizuo hissed. "How did you even wake up so early?!"

"I didn't really sleep well. I kind of tossed and turned all night."

"Flea… Why haven't you been sleeping?"

"It's nothing. Anyway, I'm borrowing a game from Masaomi-chan today! So we have to hurry!" The smaller teen dragged him down the sidewalk with surprising force. Shizuo was used to being pulled along by this point. Hell, Izaya always seemed to have to have some kind of contact with him. He found he welcomed it more often than not.

Izaya was the only person he liked having close.

"IZZY-CHAN!" A loud voice called from the distance. Izaya looked up to see Masaomi Kida running at him. The raven held out his arms excitedly.

"Masaomi-chan! Did you bring the game?"

"Of course!" the golden eyed teen said as he flung himself in Izaya's arms. Both of them seemed to be equally hyper, but when Erika Kawisawa, their other friend, was added in, Shizuo found himself unable to think.

"It's _way_ too early for this," a gruff voice hissed. The blonde looked over to see Kyohei Kadota.

"Yeah, but they'd be like this no matter what time it was," Shizuo sighed.

The four of them made their way to school. Since it was early, Izaya opted to take the long way, over the bridge. It was his favorite path to take. He and Shizuo often went there on weekends.

"You okay, Izzy-chan? You're looking tired," Masaomi said.

"I'm fine! Just haven't slept lately, that's all."

Shizuo watched the exchange with his brows furrowed. He couldn't explain it, but something didn't seem to be right. He looked up to see Kadota grinning at him.

"What?" he huffed.

"So, tell me, how in love with him can you get?" the brunette laughed.

"Wha-! Keep your fucking voice down!" The blonde made sure neither teen ahead of them had heard. "I don't _love_ him!"

At that moment, Izaya turned around to smirk up at the taller male, his hand outstretched. "Why are you dragging behind? Hurry up, Brute!" Their hands linked together, the feeling familiar and warm. Shizuo caught Kadota's grin from the corner of his eye as he was dragged ahead.

"Yeah, I'm really convinced."

"Fuck you."

* * *

_Sachi: Ah, fluff. FLUFF! Most of this story will be fluff. I mean, yeah, the sad parts that need to be there, but this is also how they got together and whatnot. Plus, you're going to see a lot of worried/obnoxiously perfect Shizuo. It's meant to make you that much sadder at the end! ;D _

_ Izaya: Part II!_

_ Shizuo: I like how I can talk to people other than Izaya in this one._

_ Sachi: Ah, yes, the interaction is weird to write. I'm so used to making sure I don't accidentally make someone talk to Shizuo. It took getting used to! Who else is excited for part II?!_

_ Izaya: Meeeeeee!_

_ Sachi: *drops the bass* WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB._

_ Shizuo: …Uh, review for love. I have no fucking clue what's happening here._


	2. Chapter 2

_OH MAN, AM I GLAD TO SEE YOU GUYS! (I totally can. Through your computer. Hey there, sexy thang.) I had some technical difficulties with my laptop. Which actually drove me crazy, because I found some errors with the last chapter while I was rereading it, and had no way to fix them. I literally almost chewed my face off. But even if those issues weren't there, it still would have been a while with the update. *sigh* I…have been on tumblr a lot lately. It's just so addicting! Also, I have an announcement. I, Sachi, absolutely adore Homestuck, and have been catching up while it's on hiatus. I REGRET NOTHING! I also found my way inside a strip club recently. It was too loud. God, I'm an old lady. In other news, work kicked my ass the past two days. I'm covered in bruises, and it hurts to move. (Long story short, I fought a few dozen rollaway beds, and I won. But at what cost?! DX) But since I'm immobile, what better time to update?! It's also storming like crazy here in Alabama, so even better. LET'S DO THIS THING! __tammylia__, well, only the good die young! So I've been told, at least, though I'm still alive! __Kira-Lime Orijima, __*hugs so hard the human race can't handle it!* Is that good?! I live to please! ;D __SparklySnickers__, I know, right?! Shizu-chan needs to dance to let off steam. *mental image* Okay, so that would be fantastic in every way. I shall continue! __Logic Dive__, haha, you crazy girl! I keep coming across your RP blogs on tumblr. DIRTY MINDED NYMPH! But what's that say about me for reading them? __Guest__, don't think of the future for this story! It'll ruin the fluff, haha. __Orajima__, hey there, stranger! I'M SORRY! Is there anything I can do to ease the pain of using a pink laptop?! __grrlsvomitcandy__, thank you, my love! __Quiet. Crash__, oh, Imma cause so much heartache you'll hate me. But yet, you guys always come back! Masochists! __GlowGlowBat__, ugh, I wish I could sleep more often. I'm always working these days. __Shadow Pain__, sorry for the wait! __Rai Rai Blue__, haha, I owe you guys some fluff, don't I? I really don't know why I always end up killing characters. It's just…what I do. You need to learn to teleport. __IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker__, man, what a great username. I'm so glad you got an account! __divorcedpuppy__, oh, you are. Hehehe. __Bloom Flower__, I shall! *insert dramatic music here* __MissVampyre__, yay! I would love to be stuck with you! We shall…ADVENTURE! __EchizenKiki__, I tend to create those feelings… Hang in there! I'll make it hurt so good. __Kawaii-Neko1246__, fluffy like cotton candy! Then angsty like rip off your face and salsa dance around it. Oh well! You guys are stuck with me!_

* * *

_On Edge_

Shizuo curled into himself as he waited for the storm to blow over. He found his air knocked out by his father's foot in his stomach. Still, he showed no signs of fear, made no noise of pain. If he did so, his father would know he had won.

Perhaps it hadn't been the best idea to go home, but he couldn't help it. He needed to see his mother was alright. Certainly, she was a drunken mess almost all the time, but she was his mother, and drunk or not, she didn't deserve to be locked in that house with this madman currently beating his son to pieces. Izaya often asked why he even bothered. It wasn't as though he was on decent terms with his mother either. Both of his parents hated him. At least, he almost always felt that way. Ever since he had met Izaya's family, and saw how other parents treated their children, he knew it wasn't normal to be beaten for things he didn't understand.

But these punches and kicks…these were different. He knew why he was being punished _this_ time.

"I refuse to have a faggot son!"

No, it wasn't because Shizuo had "come out" to his parents. He never had to say a word on the subject. His parents automatically assumed he was in a relationship with Izaya, if anything to have more reason to subjugate him to such cruelty. Shizuo wasn't stupid; he knew he didn't deserve this. But at the same time…fighting back was useless.

He just wanted to go home. To his _real_ home. At least, as soon as he saw his mother.

* * *

_"Shizu-chan!"_ Izaya chirped happily as he made his way to his blonde friend. He shoved himself in the broad chest of the taller male, only to find his vision clouded with crimson. He stepped back cautiously.

As soon as he let go, the blonde fell over.

_"SHIZU-CHAN!" _

_ "You really are a monster, aren't you?" _an unknown voice asked him as he fell to his knees beside Shizuo's steadily decomposing corpse.

_"W-Who's there?"_ Izaya looked around himself, but saw nothing. It was only him now, since the older male's body was gone.

And then suddenly, he found himself hearing so many voices at once, he felt he might burst. All of them were saying different things, arguing with one another, vying for full attention… All Izaya could do was scream.

* * *

He woke up in a cold sweat. Izaya sat straight up in his bed, and found himself almost stuck to the covers. He was panting harshly, still trying to remember what his dream was.

"Dream? More like fucking nightmare…" he chastised himself as he willed his heart rate to slow down. Something wasn't right, despite what he had told Shizuo. He knew having these types of dreams so often wasn't normal. Even more disturbing was the fact they seemed to be escalating. He was having them almost every night now.

Normally, he would allow his body to vent however it had to. Sometimes he would cry in spite of himself, other times he would hyperventilate until sleep claimed him, but he was used to Shizuo being there when he woke up. This time, the blonde was nowhere to be found, and when he remembered why, it made the situation even worse. He _hated_ knowing Shizuo was in his parent's house. He could never understand why he insisted on going home when he wasn't wanted.

Since the blonde was gone, he took deep breaths, and tried to calm down without the comforting embrace of his…friend. No, friend wasn't a good word, was it? That word didn't even begin to describe what he felt for the insufferable brute. Either way, he was on his own this time as he tried to remember what exactly had scared the hell out of him. And then he heard a click in the corner, which only fueled his nightmare scenarios even more, until he saw a blonde making his way through the open window.

"Shizu-chan!" he half sobbed, running toward the other male and tackling him. Shizuo stumbled at the sudden impact, but caught him nonetheless.

"Why are you still awake? Are…are you crying?!" The blonde was taken aback. Izaya hadn't been much of a crier since they left elementary school. He tried to look at the raven, but said teen refused to look up. "Hey… Izaya?" There was no response, aside from the occasional sniffle. Sighing, Shizuo lifted him by tightening his grip around the slender waist, and carried him toward the bed.

As soon as he placed Izaya on the mattress, the smaller male was tugging him down, almost crawling on top of him in his desperation. The blonde simply let him, and gently continued prodding for answers.

"I-I had…a nightmare… I don't remember it, I was just…I was scared…"

"It's okay, I'm here…"

"Shizu-chan…Shizu…" Izaya began to whimper, and lifted his head to seek the other male's lips with his own. Shizuo indulged him, and pulled their faces together, allowing the raven to vent with his body instead of his words. They often toed the line of "friendship" together, though neither teen questioned their relationship too much. It never seemed to escalate past kissing, or the occasional sensual touch.

The blonde could feel the other's frazzled breaths on his neck when they pulled apart. He resumed petting the dark hair back, and listened intently as the whimpers and sniffles shifted to steady breathing. He only knew Izaya was still awake by the hands on his chest rubbing circles, illuminated white by the moonlight.

"I tasted blood…" the raven said quietly after a moment. He lifted his face to look into the mocha orbs staring back at him.

"You know how it goes sometimes," Shizuo sighed.

"I know. I just… I wish I could help."

"Fucking Flea," the blonde whispered, pulling Izaya's lips to his again. "You help more than you know."

* * *

_ Sachi: I have been called out at work as the girl who either "always has a Monster" or "always has chocolate". You know, it's really amazing I'm not obese, you guys. My diet is absolutely horrid. And Sonic has these great deals on milkshakes…and I just…_

_ Izaya: You should drink water. And eat ootoro._

_ Shizuo: I think your diet is good as is._

_ Sachi: Yeah, I'm really more of a Shizuo when I eat. But I'm an Izaya for everything else! :D Review for love, pretty please! Hopefully this stupid laptop will stop mucking up my computer time, but who knows? We'll get into the fun stuff soon, but it's best to start these stories slow, you know?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Okay, okay, I apologize so much in advance for this, but I'm about to rant up a storm here. If you want to skip it, just skip past all the capital letters. Phew._

_I WAS VICIOUSLY ATTACKED BY THREE, COUNT THEM, THREE GODDAMN SPIDERS. THIS WEEK. NOT EVEN SPORADICALLY. NO, I WAS ATTACKED OVER THE COURSE OF LIKE, TWO DAYS. ONE CAME OUT OF THE BATHROOM SINK. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN?! IS IT A WATER SPIDER? NO, IT'S NOT. STUPID WORTHLESS EIGHT-LEGGED DEVIL BEASTS! AND THEN ONE CHARGED AT ME WHILE I WAS AT WORK. I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN IF IT COULD HAVE TALKED, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SCREAMING A BATTLE CRY AT ME. I ROUNDHOUSE KICKED THAT BITCH INTO OBLIVION. THEN, JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO, BEFORE I STARTED TYPING THIS, I FOUND ONE CRAWLING UP MY LEG. JUST CHILLING LIKE IT OWNED THE SPACE ABOVE MY ANKLE. SO NATURALLY I FALILED ABOUT IN A SELF-GRATIFYING TWERK THAT WOULD MAKE EVEN THE BEST CLUB DIVA JEALOUS, AND ENDED UP IN THE FLOOR SWATTING AT MY LEG LIKE A STUPID REJECTED JUSTIN BIEBER. LONG STORY SHORT, FUCK SPIDERS. I DON'T CARE HOW "MAJESTIC" AND "NECESSARY" THEY ARE. __**FUCK THEM.**_

_Alright, I feel better._ _I really hate bugs. I really do. And now I feel like I need to use that rant in a story, but change the subject matter around a bit. Maybe one of you will find it and comment on the ranting! That would be neat as frick. I'm betting most of you hate spiders too. So none of you can really say too much. But, whatever! On with your love! (man I have so much to answer!) __Kira-Lime Orijima__, yay, more hugs for you! I will make this Pablo thing happen. Oh, man. You have no idea.__ Guest__, I am all for this homo-erotic marriage!__ IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker__, yes, you must focus on their development, and NOT the end result! You'll only depress yourself. __GlowGlowBat__, I don't know about that whole diet thing. I just ate my weight in Mcdonald's, and followed it with some Air Heads and chips. I need to stop eating like America. __MissVampyre__, YES, LETS! We can tape ice cream cones to our heads and be unicorns! __Logic Dive__, you're such a demented little pervert. *pets head* What am I to do with you! __Orajima__, yes, a stranger! I seem to recall quite a lengthy amount of time in which you were not communicating with me! So, MEH! Morning kiss, eh? Does it have to stop there? __divorcedpuppy__, oh, man. Dying whale noises let me know what's up. __Quiet. Crash__, pain is necessary for, uh, development. You know, makes you all…normal and shit. Yeah, I don't know, I'm basing that on nothing. I'LL BE YOUR DRUGGGG! __TatsukiUzumakiUchiha__, aww, thanks for enjoying it! And, yes, they are all based on characters of my own. In my original comic, Jaime was Izaya's character, and Benny was Shizuo. I might upload pics to my tumblr of them! They had quite the following among my group of friends. (Okay, well, Benny did.) One of friends fangirled over him and would like, tell me they were legit getting married. It was cool as fuck. __MarquiseVriskaSerket__, I'm cool with you being curious. Just…don't try and use your mind control powers to MAKE me write. I know who you are! DX __EchizenKiki__, *pets* You'll take what you can get! Muahahaha! And it's not exactly so easy standing up to your parents in such a situation. Even if you hate them, deep down, you just want them to love you. Man, I'm so usuing that line. SparklySnickers, you should have more faith in me! I'll give you fluff, I swear! And a shit load of angst, but lots of fluff too! __Rai Rai Blue__, told you to get a tumblr. I TOLD you. And it's not really a game when some names don't get underlined. That's the formatting of the website. It likes to eat line breaks, underlines, and odd symbols. Like, you can't publish a heart symbol. All that shows up is a "3". Used to confuse the crap out of me. I couldn't understand why everyone was putting a 3 at the end of their reviews. Anywho, that's way more than enough of my rambles this time! On with the storyyyyyyy!_

* * *

_Voices_

Shizuo casually glanced at the clock above the white board again. It seemed like time was moving way too slow. In all honesty, his eyes were glued to the barely moving minute hand, and constantly shifting focus to the raven across from him. He found himself on edge more often than not these days, and he couldn't help but wonder who was starting to notice, because if it was noticeable to strangers, it would definitely be noticed by Izaya. And he seemed to have enough to deal with these days.

Instead of things "getting better", as Izaya had promised, they only seemed to be getting worse. The raven was barely sleeping at all now. He rarely ate, and only _did_ eat when hassled about it by either his mother or Shizuo. He wasn't acting anything like his usual self, and that worried the blonde. As long as they had known each other, Izaya had been the light at the end of his own dimly lit existence. He would run to him whenever things got too heavy around him, and the younger male would always make him feel better in his outlandish way. Now, the tables were turned, and Shizuo was worthless as hell when it came to comforting. Certainly, he would do all he could for Izaya, but that was just it.

_What could he do?_

The list was miniscule to begin with, but the more he thought about it, the more nonexistent it became. He really couldn't do anything for the raven besides be there for him. So, that's what he did. He was just there. Still, it was frustrating when Izaya wouldn't just tell him what was wrong. He knew he was stupid, but he wasn't mentally incapable of understanding another person's problems. Hell, Shizuo was a pro at that by now, if he said so himself, what with an alcoholic mother and douchebag of a father. Was Izaya not comfortable with telling him? No, no. That was too worrisome to think about. They made sure to be comfortable around each other at all times. Izaya would tell him. He _would_. Shizuo just couldn't force him.

They were fortunate enough to have this class together. It was English Literature, and since Izaya was a top-notch reader, he took honors, and begged Shizuo to take it with him. The blonde wasn't the greatest reader in the world, but anything he didn't understand, Izaya would help him with it. Well, when he paid attention to the lesson long enough to know what was going on, which seemed to be less and less these days. Currently, the younger male's head was in his arms on top of his desk, and it was unknown whether or not he was even _conscious._ Shizuo wouldn't have doubted his exhaustion by this point, seeing as how he hadn't been sleeping.

The teacher seemed to take notice of Izaya's head being down after a slight pause in her ranting about Macbeth. She gave him a very nonplussed look, and made her way through the rows of desks to shake his shoulder. There was no response.

"Dude, what's up with your little plaything these days?" Shizuo looked over to see his friend Saburo looking at the sleeping male with interest. "He's like, never asleep in class and shit. Next thing you know, he'll be skipping. Maybe he's finally reached his rebellious phase?"

"He reached that phase a long time ago, trust me. Around the time his little 'harmless' pranks starting taking place," Shizuo responded quietly, still watching the teacher's efforts fail. "And hell if I know what's up with him. He won't tell me."

"Is there a hint of despair in that tone, or is that just me?"

"Fuck off."

"No, c'mon, man. If you wanna talk to him about it, just bring it up. You guys have been joined at the hip how long now? Or are you joined…somewhere else these days?"

"Fuck off _twice_."

And then, finally, Izaya woke up. His head snapped up in a jerking motion, along with a feeble cry, so helpless and scared, it had Shizuo leaning on the edge of his seat. The raven had told him he was having night terrors, but the brute was normally asleep when they happened. Now he was witnessing it first hand, as well as all of their classmates. It was horribly unsettling, to say the very least. No, scratch that.

Shizuo was fucking terrified.

Izaya's carmine eyes were wide, but almost seemed unseeing. He was staring at the wall with his mouth gaping, sweating while panting and holding in sobs. Shizuo could see him shaking, and immediately stood up from his chair, but couldn't make himself move. He was frozen by the unknown terror the raven was seeing.

"Izaya? Are you okay, sweetie?" The teacher asked, no longer irritated by the lack of attention paid to her lecture. She placed a calming hand on his shoulder. The motion created catastrophic waves.

"Don't touch me!" Izaya screamed, jumping from his chair and stumbling over his desk as he scrambled to the door. She recoiled in fear, but soon started toward him again, obviously not understanding.

"Izaya? It was just a bad dream…" she reached toward him tentatively.

"Get away! Get away! Get away!"

"Someone call the nurse!" The teacher shouted over him as he grew louder.

"GET AWAY, GET AWAY, GET AWAY!"

"Izaya!" Shizuo called out, finally finding his voice. The raven's head snapped towards him, and his hazy focus seemed to shift into a moment of clarity. Suddenly, he was sobbing hysterically, and running full force to tackle the blonde around the neck.

"S-Sh-Shizu-chan, Shizu-chan…"

"I'll take him home, okay? He's been really sick lately, and not sleeping, I'm sorry…" he told the teacher, who looked skeptical at the explanation. If she actually called the nurse, who knew what might have happened. Still holding onto Izaya tightly, he started backing toward the door. "Sorry again."

And then he made a break for it. Logically, it made little sense to be so fearful. Even if he got the younger male out of the school, he knew Izaya's mother would be receiving a phone call about the episode. He knew the issues would be brought into the open, and for whatever reason, it scared him. He wasn't certain what it was. Just…a feeling he had that he couldn't place his finger on.

When they got outside the building, it was raining. Izaya had released his neck and held his hand instead, still sniffling feebly. He seemed to be returning to full consciousness, and understanding exactly what happened.

"Izaya? Are you okay?"

No answer.

"Wha… What was that? I've never seen you act that way…"

Still no answer aside from a slight shrug. Realizing he wouldn't be receiving a straight answer, Shizuo sighed, but continued to pull the younger male forward. It was no use forcing him, he reminded himself.

They walked the usual route to the raven's house, silent the entire way. The rain was coming down in a torrential fashion at this point, and probably would have made conversation impossible anyway. So when the silence was finally shattered, Shizuo almost missed the feeble voice.

"I don't know."

"Don't know what?" he asked, looking down at Izaya, slightly startled.

"You asked me what that was. I don't know. I don't know what it was."

"…Look, I..." but there was nothing left for him to say, and they both knew it. Lips still trembling with the cries he had not yet released, Izaya finally told him what he had been waiting to hear.

"I-I've been…hearing things… I don't know what it is now that I'm awake, but i-it's hard to sleep…and they...they've been…talking while I'm awake now too. I know that there's no one there, but…how do I know…what voices to believe? I don't… I'm… Shizu-chan, I'm going insane."

The blonde halted to turn fully toward him, and held in a quiet whimper when he saw the stare the smaller male was giving him. It was somewhere between terrifyingly straightforward, and completely out of it.

"No you're not. You can't be. I mean, the ones who are insane are the ones who can't admit it, right? Hey, isn't that right? Izaya?"

"I don't think that's how it really works, no. Oh, Christ, this isn't… I'm so sorry. I never wanted to tell you!"

"Fuck that! You tell me everything about it, do you hear me? Every-fucking-thing! I can't stand seeing you like this, but not even _knowing_ why is just so… DAMN IT!" he roared, temper finally surfacing, but not quite at the boiling level yet. Izaya jumped at the outburst, but stayed rooted to the spot, looking onwards with disconcerting silence.

"We'll figure this out, okay? Just…calm down, we both need to. It's going to be fine, right?" he finally whispered.

"Izaya…"

"Tell me it'll be fine."

"Iza-"

"TELL ME!"

Shizuo pulled him forward, wrapping his arms as tightly around him as he could without breaking him. Izaya hugged him back just as fiercely, both afraid to let go. Because that sinking feeling Shizuo had before, he was finally starting to place it. He understood now why he was so scared.

Just like in every other instance in his pathetic existence, there was absolutely nothing he could do.

* * *

_Sachi: DUN DUN DUUUNNNNNNNN! (This is starting to remind me of 'Psychosomatic Monsters', hehehehe. But, to be fair, both that story, and 'WTCF' were written with scenes from my original comic, so it might happen a little bit more. I'll make sure it's not too similar! DX)_

_Izaya: Ugh, the drama. Must it always start in these stories of yours?_

_Shizuo: Agreed._

_Sachi: Oh, come on! This fandom can handle the stress, trust me! I seem to recall a certain volume 12 scaring everyone on my tumblr! (but come on, you guys, Shizuo isn't going to kill him. That would be bad writing. He just WON'T. Ass kicking, maybe.) But to lighten the mood, I will offer this: Where does Izaya Orihara do most of his shopping?_

_Shizuo: Uh…online?_

_Sachi: FLEA MARKETS! :D *insert comedic tune here*_

_Izaya: *facepalms*_

_Sachi: Review for love! You know you want it! LOOOOVVVVEEEEE!_


	4. Chapter 4

_ MAH LOVELIES! It's storming here, and 'm feeling completely inspirational! I actually don't have much real life shit to report this time around, because my life is mostly work these days- six days a week, you know- but hey, I'm happy with my job! My coworkers staged an intervention of sorts, so now I have to hide my Monster energy drinks or else I get lectured for "killing myself". They're just so gooooood! DX But I do need to cut back, I know they're bad for you. Also, fuck court houses. Anywho, it's time for your love! Logic Drive, *catches love* Of course I love your perverted ways! We should RP sometime~ Orajima, children? No… I'll marry you though! It'll be the greatest gay wedding ever. I'll make a life sized cake, and we'll have a dozen midgets jump out of it. Misachin, so glad you like it! And yes, they do have each other! IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker, I'm so glad you liked my joke! I made it up, you know! Kira-Lime Orijima, hehehe, we can kill all arachnids together. I'll hide behind you while you're manly and heroic and kill them with your fists of justice. And then you can carry me in the sunset while Celine Dion sings. And then we'll move to… Oh, wait, I'm getting carried away. France in your pants! MarquiseVriskaSerket, good, I like my thoughts to myself and not mind-controlled! So glad you like it, and I love new reviewers! You keep 8eing awesome! SparklySnickers,*pets* Shhh. Volume 12 can't hurt you here. You're with Sachi, and she'll protect you. *platonic cuddles that AREN'T platonic* I love you too! UnderdogHero, I always get so confused when you change your name! DX But I figured it out! I'm a master at PUN-ography! I admire the thought of being patriotic by eating like America! And since next week is the 4__th__, I'd say it's necessary! Rai Rai Blue, I'm so glad you guys enjoyed my spider rant! I fucking hate them, I really do! And thanks for the good luck wishes! I'll pull you in the fandom eventually. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. divorcedpuppy, yes, you will probably cry. BUT IT'LL HURT SO GOOD! The safety word is…uh…pineapples. Yeah. Quiet. Crash, I wrote that joke in my warped mind! Ah, it was the first FF I wrote! That story has a special place in my heart. I can't even bring myself to go back and change the mistakes because it's just so…UGH, it needs to just stay the way it is. You know? Anywho, of course I know you've been with me since then! And you even followed me into Hetalia, and we talk about WWII in notes, and I just… I love you. I love you, you Polish woman! Muahahaha! CrowEatingMoth, I shall update LIKE A BOSS! Hehehe, oh, look at that, you guys. Plot development._

* * *

_It's Therapy, Baby_

As expected, the school called about the incident. Izaya's mother seemed to be taking the news in stride, if anything to put on a brave front for her son. Shizuo knew the raven could see through it though. It was hard to hide anything from Izaya Orihara, which he knew from first-hand experience. They were sprawled on the younger's bed, talking about nothing. It was late, but neither was willing to go to sleep.

In the morning, Izaya had an appointment with a psychiatrist. They were both going to be ungodly tired if they didn't go to sleep soon, but somehow, that ceased to matter to Shizuo as he and the smaller male laughed quietly at lame jokes, old stories, and the occasional jab at each other's ribs. It felt almost normal for them again, and a sense of normalcy was exactly what Izaya needed, Shizuo thought.

"What do you think it'll be like tomorrow?" the raven asked quietly, rolling over to prop on his elbow as he spoke, warm breath hitting just the right spot on the blonde's cheek. "The doctor, I mean. Do you think he'll use me as a lab rat, or know exactly what's wrong?"

"Well, I guess he's gonna have to ask you lots of questions," Shizuo responded just as quietly, "and probably cut you open. You know, standard shit."

"Ah, yes. Such is the right of every shrink. That's how you tell if someone's crazy. By their 'being cut open for science' scar." They both laughed stupidly at the dim-witted humor, but it was soon replaced with Izaya's macabre expression. "I don't think it's going to be good news, Shizu-chan."

"Don't be such a pessimist. It could just be teenage angst for all you know. Hollywood makes movies about it all the time. You're probably just raging with hormones," the blonde sighed. "I mean, it's not like anyone is really _sane_ anyway. Look at me. I come from a family of idiots, have strength like the Hulk, and am addicted to milk. I don't think that's exactly normal."

"No, but it makes you absolutely _fascinating_. I wouldn't have you any other way."

"Yeah, well, the feeling's mutual, Louse. So stop acting like you're damaged goods."

Izaya rolled closer until their foreheads were touching, carmine meeting mocha as they observed each other. Their breaths mingled as gold entwined with raven locks, neither of them being unable to reach out and hold the other. They often did this together, another action that severely toed the line of _friendship_. Slowly, Shizuo leaned forward and connected their lips chastely, unable to stop himself. He felt the smaller male's lips curve into a grin around his own.

"What's so damn funny?" he growled as his hands dipped lower, fingers brushing over Izaya's hip bones.

"You," the other giggled. "Shizu-chan can't keep his hands off me, ne?"

"Cheeky little shit."'

"Dumbass protozoan."

They kissed again and again, the gesture becoming more heated with each connection until it was more of a tongue-outside-of-mouth ordeal. Shizuo sloppily ended up licking down Izaya's chin, who noticeably shivered, but still cracked his eyes open to glare at the brute.

"You're so…_primitive_ in your methods. I would think after all the practice you've had, you could keep your tongue in my mouth."

"I could say the same to you, but I'm not a rude asshole."

"Pffft. You think I'm sloppy? You haven't _seen_ sloppy."

"I'm pretty sure I have. That one time you jumped me and ended up missing my mouth? I'm pretty sure you almost swallowed my chin."

"That was on purpose! Payback for all the times you've done it to me!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just admit you like it sloppy."

Izaya grinned deviously, a gesture that never ceased to send a shiver up the brute's spine. "I never said I didn't like it. It's…just part of your style."

"Glad we've established that then."

It was comfortable as they pawed at each other under the covers, both with the same thought on their mind, but neither willing to voice it for fear of ruining what was already in motion. Shizuo sighed heavily and pulled the other male closer to him, stubbornly afraid to let go.

"Do you think…everything will be okay?" Izaya asked in a small voice.

"I think it will. Do you?"

"Not really."

"You're just being paranoid."

"No, Shizu-chan, I'm not. The truth is…it's not exactly as blasé as we're making it to be. I know everyone is putting on this front for me to spare the stress, but I'm not stupid. We all know it's not normal, what I'm going through-what _we're_ going through. It's not normal."

Shizuo looked over to him with his jaw set tightly, unwilling to admit Izaya was right. It _wasn't_ normal, waking up from night terrors every time he closed his eyes, constantly being paranoid about being watched when it was only he and Shizuo in a room, not eating like he used to, and whatever else the raven was keeping from him- it wasn't right. None of it was right.

"Don't make that face, Brute. I'm still alive, am I not? And you know I'm not one to give up easily. But…it's…hard. I will admit, it's hard. I'm going to do my best to tell this doctor everything, even though I have reservations about going to someone to bitch about my problems while my parents pay him. Honestly, I wouldn't even go if it wasn't for you."

"Me? Why?"

"Because you're hurting. You're hurting because of me, and I don't like it."

"I'm not-"

"Save it. I've known you for too long to buy your lame excuses, you know. And I _do_ pay attention to you. Shizu-chan, you…mean a great deal to me. More than I can tell you. So I will do it for you. But I expect you to stop being such a worry-wart in return. I don't need a babysitter."

Shizuo's eyes were wide as he gazed at Izaya's expression, chest tight from the gentle admission of caring. Damn it if he didn't feel like a school girl about to swoon like an idiot. He willed his voice steady so he could reply.

"You mean a great deal to me too, Izaya. A…huge deal…uh…shit, I'm bad at this stuff. Just…yeah, as long as you're honest with the shrink, I'll chill out as long as it helps."

"Shizuo."

The use of his real name being said in Izaya's smooth voice ceased his ramblings, and he swallowed thickly as he met the carmine orbs staring so deeply into his own. It was so natural here- staring into each other's eyes without being self-conscious. It was easy to forget his words sometimes, and not realize what he said until after he said it, so he had to move with trepidation.

"Huh?"

"Is… Is this an admission for…?" Izaya cut off, the rest of the question remaining unsaid, though Shizuo knew exactly what he was asking. And the answer was no, it wasn't an admission for the feelings he felt for the raven, not even close. He could talk all night about what he felt, and it would still only be the tip of the iceberg. So instead of an answer, he simply pulled the smaller male close again, and wrapped protectively around him to signal it was time for sleep. To his surprise, Izaya didn't argue. He sighed gently, and nuzzled into the blonde's clothed chest, simply listening to his heartbeat.

* * *

"Man, I hate this, I hate this, I _hate _this."

"Calm down, Shizuo. Honey, he's only going to be in there for an hour."

Shizuo was sitting in the waiting room of the psychiatrist with Megumi Orihara while they waited for Izaya's session to be over. She was absorbed in a magazine article while he was anxious as hell, unable to keep his legs still while they bounced up and down. He huffed angrily and ceased his movements, but immediately began cracking his knuckles instead. Megumi sighed, and placed one of her hands over his.

"It's going to be okay," she said quietly with a smile that reached her eyes. He always admired the Orihara family's eyes, each a different shade of red while taking on its own hue of personality. Hers were light, closer to pink than red, really. And always gentle. That was Izaya's mother in two words, _always gentle._

"But… But what if it's not?" he found himself asking, voicing his fear for the first time. "What if it gets worse now?"

"Then we deal with it," she said simply. "In a situation like this, when one party is feeling upset and confused, they need stability in their environment. In this case, Izaya needs us, especially _you_, to be strong. And in your case, being strong shouldn't be an issue." Her smile widened while he frowned at her in response.

"My strength only works on the outside," Shizuo said bitterly. "Mentally I'm pretty useless. Izaya…he's the one who helps me…talk better."

"Yes, you both help each other out. And I'm more than certain it'll stay that way, so please calm down." She lifted the magazine article again and he happened to catch a glimpse of it.

_Thirty new ways to please your man!_

His face flushed and he hurriedly looked away, but the damage was done, she had seen him looking.

"Did you want to read it?" she asked, and _god_, he didn't want this to be happening.

"No. No, I don't need to read it."

"Okay, suit yourself," she relented. "But just know if he's anything like his father, he'll be hard to keep satisfied."

And with that, Shizuo Heiwajima felt himself die right there in the waiting room; he only looked up again when he felt someone flop in the chair beside him.

"Fuck. This. Place," Izaya's voice floated over. He was slouched in the seat, neck craned so he could observe the blonde. "Can we leave?"

"Language, young man," Megumi hissed as a man in a long white lab coat approached them. He was a rather skinny man, though he was lanky. Shizuo was certain he was probably taller. The brunette was wearing a large smile, and his dorky glasses were glinting in the fluorescent lighting. He stopped in front of their chairs.

"Mrs. Orihara, so good to see you in person!" he said jovially, reaching his hand out for her to shake. She took it, and offered him a smile as he helped her out of her seat. She looked over to Shizuo.

"Do you want to come too? We're discussing the condition, and it might help since you're always with Izaya."

"Uh…I…"

"I'm not sure that's wise, Mrs. Orihara. It's supposed to only be the guardian who comes back," the doctor offered.

"But he is family! This is my future son-in-law!"

"Oh, god, no, I think I'll stay here," Shizuo blurted. Izaya's eyes narrowed over to him.

"Just go. You'll be drilling me later for answers anyway, so I'd rather you go and interrogate Shinra instead," he snapped. Shizuo frowned at him.

"Izaya?"

"I said to go."

Sighing, the blonde did as he was told, and rose to follow the two into the room Izaya had just come out of. As soon as he was alone, the raven leaned forward in his chair, and buried his face in his hands.

"I fucking _hate_ this…" he whispered to himself. Did they think this was easy for him? He, the king of perfection, reduced to this? He had just told his whole fucking _life story_, for Christ's sake, and the entire time it was being written down, to be used for study later. The whole time, he was being judged, scrutinized, _patronized_. The entire time, he just wanted to fucking die.

_"So, what do we do about it?"_

"Not you again. Go the hell away," he snapped to the disembodied voice. It had been the same voice these days, similar to his own, but slightly deeper. No one was there, and he knew that. Of course he knew that. He wasn't stupid, shit, he knew no one was there. But he couldn't stop himself from answering when spoken to.

_"You know what they're back there talking about."_

"Of course I do. Fuck, of _course_ I do."

_"Shhh. No need to panic. It's all going to be alright. Trust me, I'm here just for you, Izaya."_

"How do you expect me to trust someone I can't see? I don't even know your name."

_"You want to see me?"_

"It'd be nice."

And then, just like that, the person was _there_, beside him in the chair Shizuo had previously been occupying.

This couldn't be good.

* * *

"Say that again?"

Shizuo was the first to break the silence in the stuffy office. Izaya's mother was crying silently in her handkerchief, and Shinra was across from them, reading from his charts.

"Paranoid Schizophrenia. I assume you both have many questions, and I am more than willing to answer all of them. This isn't a delicate matter, I assure you."

"What…I mean…fuck, what does that mean?"

"Basically," Shinra said, standing from his spot to walk behind his desk and pull out a large book, "it means he's here, but he's not here. It's best to call it psychosis, which means it's disrupting normal thought patterns. There are many, many symptoms, but I feel the most pressing to warn you of is, of course, the hallucinations. He's already having them very vividly, and has told me of a certain voice that speaks to him daily."

"Oh, God…" Megumi said from her chair, and Shizuo could tell she was trying to pull it together.

"But…that's, I mean. Uh. Is he… Is it curable?" the brute asked. Shinra shook his head.

"There is no cure. Even medication can't help always. I'm not going to sugar coat it, he's got a long, _long_ path ahead of him, and it's going to be a difficult one. Many people cannot handle the stress if not knowing fiction from reality, and mental breakdowns are not uncommon in schizophrenic patients. As a matter of fact, many of them end up institutionalized at least once in their recovery."

At that, Shizuo stood from his chair. He couldn't hear any more of it. The thought of Izaya being in a white padded room by himself made him want to take a leaf from Megumi's book and cry uncontrollably. So instead, he went towards the door. Shinra called him back with a gentle voice.

"Shizuo, I feel I must tell you this now, since you are very close to him. I'm giving him medication to help, but it might not stop everything happening to him. He will be prone to fits of rage, depression, suici-"

"Not to burst your therapeutic bubble or anything, but I could care less. He's still Izaya, and I'm going to go sit with him now, if that's cool with you guys. Because as much as I want to freak out, I'm sure he's doing enough of that for the both of us, and I… I want to be with him." And with that, he wrenched the door open, only to find Izaya wasn't in the seat he had left him in.

* * *

_"Are you surprised?" _The boy beside him asked coyly.

"It's not every day you meet someone who looks exactly like you…" Izaya muttered. The nurse behind the window had begun to cast awkward stares his way as he talked to the new presence in the room, and he knew she thought he was crazy. Well, _knew_ he was crazy, more like.

And indeed, the mystery voice he had been hearing so often belonged to someone who shared his face. He had to constantly tell himself this wasn't real. It _wasn't _real.

_"But you're not scared."_

"No. I suppose I'm not."

_"Good. It would be inconvenient. I told you, I'm here to help you."_

"Great. Yeah, help me then. Get to it."

_"Maybe later. It seems we're going to be interrupted."_

And with that, he disappeared, and was soon replaced with the warm body of Shizuo, who sat against the wall in the vacant hallway Izaya had wandered into, and slid down beside him.

"How'd you find me?" the raven asked quietly.

"Asked the receptionist. She was on the phone, but was nice enough to point in this direction."

"Oh, that was nice of her."

Shizuo sighed, and pushed his bangs out of his face. "Why'd you split?"

"I guess because it's easier to break down in peace?"

"Oh. Should I…leave?"

Izaya looked up at him, and slowly shook his head. "I don't think so." He leaned against Shizuo's shoulder. "So on a scale of one to Charlie Sheen, how fucked up am I?"

"You're around the early stage of his career. You're _Red Dawn_ version Charlie Sheen right now. Don't worry, you've got a long way to go before you're too high on dragon blood."

"That's good."

"Izaya…did you…want to talk about it?"

"Not really. What is there to say exactly? Kind words won't remedy the situation, and we both knew this was coming. So let's not…dwell on it. Alright?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I'm here though, when you want to talk."

"I know. You'll always be there. It's one reason you mean so much to me, as stated last night."

The blonde gulped quietly, still not forgetting how close he had been last night to spilling his guts to the smaller male. Dimly, he agreed, and soon found his fingers entwined with cooler, nimble ones. He looked up from their locked hands to Izaya's face, so focused on his own, just like always. _Always _with that stare. Always with those goddamn perfect eyes.

"I know what you were thinking last night, Shizu-chan."

"Izaya, I wasn't… I mean…"

"I think we're on the same page. As a matter of fact…"

The blonde's heart raced as the gap between their lips began to rapidly close, and soon Izaya's soft lips were pressed against his own, and while it was familiar, and they had done it so much, _never_ had it meant this. Never was it as perfect a kiss as this one. Shizuo's heart was beating frantically, and he was forgetting how to breathe, and he was an idiot, but _shit, _was it worth it as his head swam with those little hearts cartoon characters would see. Izaya pulled back to observe his reaction.

"I think…I want to be more to you than your friend. Is that alright?" The raven was smiling at him genuinely, even if it was small and timid. It took a moment for Shizuo's brain to remember how to function.

"Shit, _fuck_, Izaya," he snarled, slamming their mouths together, because really, what a stupid question.

He'd be sure to tell him later how stupid it was.

* * *

_ Sachi: I'm actually very pleased with this chapter, you guys!_

_ Izaya: I liked it too._

_ Shizuo: You don't have any lame-ass puns this time, do you?_

_ Sachi: *sigh* No, not this time. I'll think of another joke soon though, believe you me! I'm full of stupid humor! One of my best friends used to hate my constant puns until I moved, and now she misses them. Hehehe, anyway, review for love! I have a MIGHTY NEED for love! :3_


	5. Chapter 5

_My lovelies! I'm back with an update for this storyyyy! I hope everyone had a good fourth of July! Mine was eventful, and I enjoyed it very much. I hope we all still have our appendages where they need to go… Haha, if not, I guess you can always get fake ones! Quick question, does anyone speak Russian, or know someone who can? I received this message:Хочу разместить в вашем блоге обзор Российского стартапа goo. gl /FTudm . Как это можно сделать? and have no idea what it says. Help is greatly appreciated!_

_Now for your love! __Quiet. Crash__, I'm full of puns! Most of them are inappropriate though. I'm a master at PUNography. I'm so glad you thought it was cute! And no, it can't end well. __Logic Dive__, I'm a great Izaya! I'm also a good Dave Strider and John Egbert, if you're into Homestuck at all. I will explain the whole MOM VS SHIZUO thing as we go, no worries! __IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker__, no dying! Come over here and we will fangirl together in a SAFE manner! __Kira-Lime Orijima,__ your reviews are always just so well conveyed, haha. And Charlie Sheen SHOULD have his own insanity scale! Cacti are the bomb, yo. __Sparkly Snickers__, AHHH, thank you so much! I tried very hard on it! Glad you also enjoyed the Charlie Sheen scale of insanity! __UnderdogHero__, haha, oh, I thought you already changed your name again for a second there. Don't worry! We all make mistakes! __MaquiseVriskaSerket,__ you were warm to think of Roppi! Glad you enjoyed! __Rai Rai Blue__, ah, so glad you think so! Parents are pretty good at making things awkward. Sigh. HUGS BACK! Enough of my rambles! On with the storyyyyyyyy!__  
_

* * *

_The-RAPE-y_

Izaya was lying flat on his back, his head in Shizuo's lap. They were on top of a picnic table in the park, soaking up the warmth from the sun. Around them were their friends from school, who Izaya had decided they needed to spend time with. It had been a few weeks since he started taking his medication, and though he usually craved solitude, this little get together was his idea. He was feeling a tad bit guilty about shutting everyone out of his life.

Shinra had told him it was part of the process, and it was natural to want to be alone. He was going through something no one in their group would understand. Izaya had no plans to tell anyone about his diagnosis. It was bad enough that Shizuo knew, though even if the blonde hadn't been there in the office when it happened, he probably would have told him anyway. He never felt right trying to keep anything from the other male. It just…didn't seem right.

"What are you thinking about?" Shizuo asked him, grinning down at him. He brushed some dark hair from Izaya's forehead.

"Just the usual things," the raven answered, pulling one of the brute's hands to his lips to place a gentle kiss there. Erika squealed from her place on the bench.

"You two are so cuuuuuute together!" she cooed. "Aren't they just the sweetest, Dota-chin?"

"All I'm gonna say is that it's about time they decided to make it official. It's not like we didn't all know already. It was like watching a soap opera," the brunette sighed, pushing Erika off of him. She huffed in his direction, but soon her smile was back.

"_I _think you're the cutest couple ever. Rivaled only by me and Walker, maybe."

"You're not even _dating_ Walker yet, Kawisawa," Masaomi's smug voice cut in. "Don't you normally have to, I don't know, _ask_ permission to claim someone as your boyfriend?"

"I'll have you know we maintained eye contact for more than ten seconds yesterday when he borrowed my pencil in Algebra!" Erika hissed.

"Oh, man, that makes you practically married," Masaomi shot back. Mikado swatted him on the thigh.

"Don't be so mean! It took a long time for you to ask me out!"

"Only because you're oblivious as a twig. I had to make sure you'd know it was a romantic advance, and not just a joke."

Izaya was lazily watching the exchange, but then his eyes drifted over to Anri. He couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for the spectacled girl. She was in love with Mikado, but he was head over heels for Masaomi. The blonde knew of her feelings for the blue eyed male, as did everyone in their group, aside from the actual object of her affections, but he never hesitated to flaunt Ryuugamine in front of her. She was looking away from the two very pointedly, her gaze focused on the trees to their left. Sadly, it was none of their business how the trio handled their little love triangle, but still. Poor Anri. Erika seemed to be thinking along the same lines as him.

"Anri-chan, how are you doing in English these days? That last essay we had to do was killer," she said, smiling brightly.

"I did alright, I think. I have almost all A's so far," Anri said quietly.

"Whaaaat! That's so unfair! Do you know how hard I'd have to work to have grades like that?!" Mikado yelped.

"Yes, that's the point, nimrod. Hard work equals results," Kadota grinned. "But you still have a long way to bring up any bad grades, so there's good news."

"Speaking of time," Erika began, "you're a senior this year, Shizu-chan. Have you picked out a college yet?"

Shizuo's hand visibly froze in Izaya's hair as his dark eyes met the carmine ones looking up at him. It was a subject they both tried to avoid as often as possible. He _was_ a senior this year. When Izaya just kind of shrugged, the brute sighed, and looked up at the rest of their friends.

"Not yet. I don't know if I want to go, actually."

"You have to! You have good grades thanks to Iza-chan's tutoring!" Erika argued.

"Yeah, but… I might wait for him to graduate…"

"Don't be stupid, Shizu-chan," Izaya snapped, sitting up abruptly. "You have a ticket out of this town. You should take it."

"Izaya…"

"I think it's romantic that he wants to wait," Erika mumbled.

"Yeah, well, romance doesn't go very far in the real world, now does it? More like corrupts judgment. And I'll be damned if I see you throw away your future for me. It's not worth it."

"Are you saying you're not worth it, Izaya?" Shizuo asked quietly.

When the raven didn't answer, the blonde ran his hands through his hair angrily, but tried to keep his temper. "You know I fucking hate when you say things like that."

"You hate when people are honest, Shizu-chan." Izaya hopped off the table and began walking in the grass. "Now if you guys will excuse me, I have somewhere I have to be."

And he _did_, and Shizuo was the only one who knew where he was going. He was off to see Shinra, which seemed to be the only place he ever went these days. It was becoming routine, though the raven was far from pleased to admit as much. It was his reality though, and he struggled to grasp it, as he did with most things planted in _the real world_. Because, really, what is the _fucking REAL WORLD _anyway?

"It's what you make it, Izaya."

Shinra was watching him over his clipboard as he paced back and forth, venting like a madman about all the things upsetting him lately. Izaya removed his hands from his hair when he realized he was in danger of ripping it out again.

"But how do I know? How am I supposed to know who is and isn't real? If I can talk to them, fucking _feel_ them, aren't they _real_?"

"You're speaking vaguely again. Has there been an interaction with someone you believe isn't real?"

Slowly, Izaya nodded, looking away.

"Is it the same person it was last time?"

"It's him _every_ time," the raven whimpered, falling unceremoniously on the couch. "I hear others constantly, I mean, the pills make it more of a whisper than anything, but…him… He's so loud. I see him. He follows me sometimes, comments on things. He was there today, at the park with my friends."

"Did he do anything?"

"He was just beside me. He's always beside me. He says he wants to help."

"With what?"

"He…he won't tell me…"

"I see. Does this person have a name?"

Izaya shook his head, looking up to finally look Shinra in the eyes.

"H-He…he said I have to name him."

"Ah," the doctor sighed, leaning over to place his elbows on his lap, "so it's all your choice."

"Right. It's how far I'm willing to go. How much I can trust him."

"Do you want to name him?"

"No! No, I mean…kind of? It's hard to explain…"

"Izaya, naming something makes it yours. Naming something makes it _real_. He's testing you."

"You speak of him like he's real though. Wouldn't it be awful to exist and not have a name? I can't imagine it… And he's always saying he wants to help me. I-I need help."

"Yes, and I'm helping you, as are your family and friends. I can only tell you it isn't wise to name him, but I can't control your ultimate decision, just as he cannot. How far you go is up to you."

"So I'm like Neo in _The Matrix_, huh? How far down the rabbit hole will I go?"

Shinra's eyes were hidden behind the glare of his glasses. "The blue pill, or the red pill? Reality, or fantasy? Sane, or insane?"

"I thought shrinks didn't like the term _insane_," Izaya quipped, falling back into the cushion of the green sofa.

"We don't usually, but I think it applies nicely here. These courses of action we're discussing, I mean."

"Reality is a course of action?"

"Sometimes."

"Being sane is an action too?"

"Always."

* * *

Izaya padded into his room quietly, holding his temples as he tried to cope with all the knowledge Shinra had thrust upon him. Talking to the man always did that to him. Shinra was his daily dose of reality, but he knew he needed it.

The raven half expected Shizuo to be in his room, but he wasn't. The brute probably went home again. He often did, after they had a disagreement. It was a little painful to think the blonde would rather subject himself to possible violence than talk to him about their small fight that afternoon, but he didn't suppose he blamed him. He knew he hadn't acted reasonably. It was just the thought of Shizuo staying behind from school just for him.

Before he was diagnosed with his mental illness, he might have been willing to accept it. Shizuo would be staying of his own volition; it would be a romantic endeavor. But now, now when he knew Shizuo was probably thinking of how _off the handle _he would fly because there was no one to calm him down, Izaya couldn't bear to let the older male stay for him. Shizuo was _not_ going to spend the rest of his life as a caretaker for a crazy person. It wasn't an option. It _couldn't _be.

_"You're thinking about it again," _the all too familiar voice wafted through the room. Izaya opened to eyes to observe his own face hovering above him again.

"I've been told you're not actually here," he quipped.

_"I seem pretty 'here' to me."_

"I guess. Either way, we both know you're not. So what brings you here tonight?"

_"Have you thought of a name for me?"_

"Yes. But I've also been instructed not to give it to you."

_"How disappointing." _

"You'll be strong."

The doppelganger slowly lowered to the ground, and Izaya immediately noted that he casted no shadow. Another sign he wasn't real.

_"Haven't you ever heard that what isn't real can't actually hurt you? Aren't you being overly cautious?"_

"Name yourself. It should be easy if you can think for yourself."

_"It's important for you to name me."_

"Like a pet?"

_"If you choose to think of it that way."_

"Tell me something. What exactly are you helping me to do?" Izaya asked.

_"See the truth."_

"And what is that exactly?"

_"I can't answer. I can only show you. But I can't do anything without a name. It's an attachment we must share."_

"I'm not too keen to give it to you. I don't think it's in my best interest."

At this, the double glared at him venomously, and moved to his side so fast, Izaya felt the earth shift in a way with the sudden energy shift in the room.

_"__**I**__ am the one keeping all the other voices from manifesting into physical forms. __**Me**__. You need me, Izaya."_

"Really? I'm starting to get the impression that it's you who needs me," Izaya shot back, trying not to show his fear though they both knew it was there. And then, as he gazed into his twin's eyes, the voices in his head suddenly grew too loud to think. They were all screaming, demanding his attention, some sobbing, some just angry, and he couldn't tune them out. The fierce red gaze that met his told him this was the other raven's doing, and only he could make them shut up again. It was all he could do not to pass out.

"ROPPI! ROPPI! You're Hachimenroppi! My god, make it stop, _please!_"

With that, everything stopped at once, and he looked up to see the pleased face of the newly named figment of his imagination. He was just forced further down the rabbit hole, and would now have to face the consequences.

_"Good to officially make your acquaintance."_

* * *

_Sachi: Yayyy, finally updated! Sorry for the wait, my Homestuck story is gaining more popularity than this one, and I tend to update more frequently when stories get more hits. I'll try to make sure the wait for this one isn't as long next time!_

_Izaya: You left it at an awful place._

_Shizuo: Hey! She left ME in an awful place! You sent me home!_

_Sachi: Yeah…sorry about that, Shizzy. If you guys wanna see what happens soon, you will review for looooooove! :3_


	6. Chapter 6

_I am so. Fucking. Sorry. This chapter is like, a MONTH overdue. My excuse is busy schedule, and the fact that my Homestuck story gained popularity, and was a nice, non-angsty break from this particular tear-jerker. Also, that fandom is a black hole. You go in, and then the next thing you know, it's months and months later, and you're still completely lost. But anyway! It's time for an update! So let's move onto your love. __Logic Dive__, I'm not sure I'd be good at it! DX *curls into ball* And yes, Roppi is here! __IzayaOriharaTheSexyInfoBroker__, here's more! __Quiet. Crash__, in his defense, it wasn't his fault. He was forced! __Kira-Lime Orijima__, I enjoy the weird reviews! I LOVED THE TROLL TITLE. __UnderdogHero__, glad you liked it! :D__ SparklySnickers__, I love Roppi too! Nooo, don't die! __Rai Rai Blue__, I'm never mean, you silly thing. All your questions will be answered eventually! Or WILL they?! __grrlsvomitcandy__, it's alright! You're here now! Ah, you think I'm funny?! *melts* YOU DON'T EVEN KNOOOOW! __kittykat10101__, sorry for the wait! __Shiroi Hana__, it's college. I understand! Sorry for the hurt! I'll make it up to you somehow! Thanks for sticking with me, guys! I SWEAR I'll try to update this story sooner next time. ON WITH IT, THEN!_

* * *

_Plans_

Shizuo woke up in his own bed for a change, cheek throbbing from his latest encounter with his father. Oddly enough, he'd rather face his ridiculously hostile old man than go back and face Izaya. He wasn't sure what they were fighting about, or if they even _were_ fighting. It could've been another mood swing caused by mounds and mounds of medication, because Izaya had been having those often. But instead of talking about it, Shizuo thought it was easier to give them both time to cool off, even if cooling off meant going back to the lion's den for him, so to speak.

He was used to physical confrontation by this point. For him, it was harder to bring emotions and such to the table, because they left him that much more vulnerable. So when his dad reared back and clocked him in the face for some outlandish thing he knew he hadn't even done; he almost welcomed it. The pain gave him something to focus on, something else to _feel_ aside from the constant inner turmoil he had been feeling lately. It wasn't as though he could control what Izaya was going through, and it was stupid of him to try. So instead of his usual anger and frustration, he took each hit with silent content.

His mother was sober, for once. Whatever maternal instincts she might have once had seemed to trickle through her stoic countenance, and she reached out to him as soon as his father left the room. He was barely conscious as she smoothed his hair back and kissed his forehead, and he was too tired to tell her to stop. He didn't remember falling asleep, but he was still confused when he woke up alone in his own bed, until he remembered the day before.

Shizuo didn't know what else he could have said. He _would_ wait for Izaya to graduate before moving for school. It was something the two of them used to talk about quite often before the raven began having his issues. He didn't understand why everything had to change just because Izaya was sick now. Didn't they still have a future together? Was he supposed to start planning his future alone?

Deciding to put all these thoughts away for another time when his head wasn't pounding, he changed clothes and made his way to the kitchen, more out of reflex than anything. He didn't actually expect his mother to have made breakfast, but she _did_. He stared at the food on the table before looking up to his mother, who was casually sipping coffee as though it were an everyday occurrence.

"Good morning," she smiled. His gaze shifted to her, his face still entirely deadpanned.

"Uh…yeah." He sat at the table and gingerly ate the corner of a slice of toast, keeping his eyes on her as if he were expecting her to reach over and stab him in the throat.

"You can eat the eggs too, you know. I'm not _that_ bad of a cook," she said.

"It's not the food's taste I'm worried about. Did you poison it or something?"

"Why on earth would you say such a thing?"

"Well, let's see, you've spent the better part of my life in an alcohol induced coma, and only took a recent interest in the fact that my old man likes to use me as a punching bag. I think I'd be more surprised if you _weren't _up to something." Her eyes went wide for a moment, and then she placed the coffee cup on the table, leaning forward to face him.

"I think out of all you just said, it hurts the most that you think I don't care…" she almost whispered. Shizuo rolled his eyes at her.

"So what? You help me to my bed one night, and make me breakfast once, and we're friends? We just forget all the bullshit that happened for the past lifetime? Is that how this works for you? Is it so easy to _pretend_ you're not married to a psychopath, who, just _by the fucking way_, you choose over me on a regular basis. Is that what we're doing?"

"Shizuo…"

"Why are you even trying?"

She was silent for a moment, her own large brown eyes on her mug, before she looked up at him again. "I spoke with Megumi a few days ago…"

"Since when are you friends with Izaya's mom?"

"We haven't been friends for a long time, I admit. But she told me Izaya is…not well."

"He's perfectly fine," Shizuo spat, spearing a sausage link with his fork. "And it's none of your business."

"Your safety is my business," she interrupted, brows furrowing. "If he's not in his right mind, he could be dangerous to you, Shizuo. I know what Schizophrenia means, and it's going to get a lot worse for the both of you."

"Yeah, great advice, _Mom_. Too bad you're almost eighteen years late to start giving a shit."

"That's not fair! You're never home anyway-!"

"And why would I be?!" he roared, slamming his hands on the table. "Why would I come back to all of _this_?! At least Dad's open about the fact he can't fucking stand me, but now _you-_ you're going to seriously sit there and pretend to care? Where were you last night when he was beating the fuck out of me? Or did your little epiphany happen when you realized the storm was over, and there was no danger of you getting hit?" Her face fell as he spoke, and by the end of it, her head was in her hands.

"If there's anything I learned about this family, even in my short fucking time in this house, it's that we all just do what we want, and take care of ourselves. So excuse me for not hitching my pity wagon to yours. It's too late to fix this, to fix _us_. And I'm not fucking interested." He stood abruptly, making his way to the door for his stuff.

"When are you coming home again?" she asked softly. He didn't turn to look at her.

"This hasn't been my home for years. Don't act like you didn't know that." He slammed the door behind him, only to be greeted with the wide eyes of Izaya, who was standing on his doorstep with a hand raised as if to knock.

"S-Shizu-chan? Are you alright?" he asked, lowering his hand to his side. Shizuo blinked.

"What the hell kinda question is that?" he growled, walking around the raven to the sidewalk. "And why are you even here?" Izaya frowned, turning to follow him.

"And what kind of question is _that?_ You know why I'm here."

"I don't, actually. You lost your shit with me yesterday, and here you are, acting like it never happened. So I don't really have any idea why you're here."

"To walk you to school," Izaya said, though his voice was softer than before. He often said he hated it whenever Shizuo was in a bad mood, because he felt like he wasn't talking to the blonde himself. "Though I can walk alone if that will give you enough time to cool off."

Shizuo whirled around to face him, the scowl looking permanently etched into his features. "Don't act all high and mighty like nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong, and you know it. You _know_ it!"

"Of course I know it! I'm more than certain that I know it better than you! Do you think I _like_ the fact that you're walking on eggshells around me? Because I don't! And if you're insinuating that I had a nice time without you last night, then you're mistaken! I didn't sleep at all, and it's not just because of the goddamn nightmares!" Izaya's hands fell to his sides, and he looked pointedly at his feet. "I get scared when you go home. I realize you're not any safer with me than you are there, but…"

Shizuo inhaled slowly, and then exhaled, willing himself to calm down. He placed a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "Just…look, just _talk_ to me more. I know you're having some internal crisis shit, but you could fill me in on it, at least. I'm here to fucking help you. How am I supposed to do that when you keep everything to yourself?"

"Because I'm afraid if you knew everything, you'd leave me," Izaya whispered, looking anywhere but up. "Don't ask me to do that."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"But you did! You left me last night! And I- I can't blame you, because I know how it must be, dealing with someone who has mood swings worse than any woman ever thought of having, but I'm trying! I'm taking my meds, and I'm doing everything Shinra says! It's not _helping_."

"Izaya."

"_What?_"

"If you think you're going to scare me away, then you're really fucking stupid for a guy who's supposed to be a genius." Izaya's eyes narrowed up at him, but he remained -thankfully- silent. "All that's going on with you isn't your fault, you know."

"…Yes. I know that."

"Good. Then problem's solved. We'll both be open books as long as it's helpful. I'll tell you every stupid protozoan thought that passes through my mind if you do the same," Shizuo said, walking forward again. He paused, reaching behind him to offer his hand to the raven. "Deal?"

"You really want to know everything I see and hear? Everything I think about?" Izaya asked, eyes focused on the outstretched hand.

"Of course. It's part of your therapy to talk about it, and I get tired of feeling like the bad guy for having to ask you all the time. Just _talk_ to me, louse. I'm pretty good at listening."

The raven inhaled shakily, threading his fingers through the brutes and offering a weak smile. "I've put a lot of thought in the face that I don't like you…living with your parents anymore."

"Well, me neither, but I technically _don't_ live with them. All my stuff is at your house."

"Exactly. So why don't you just stay there as well?"

"Wait…you mean, like, _permanently_?"

"Yes."

Shizuo stopped walking, and turned to look Izaya in the eyes again. "You're asking me to move into your house? Uh, isn't that…soon? Since we're…together now?"

"I don't think so. I talked to my mother about it last night, and she's thrilled by the idea. She really hates your parents, for good reason, and she thinks it'll be a good idea to make sure I'm under 'constant surveillance'," Izaya scowled as he said this. "So it's entirely up to you."

"Uh."

"Think about it, Shizu-chan. Let's not rush into anything. But for the record, you basically live with me anyway. This would just be extra collateral for me to know you're not ever _here_, getting your ass kicked by your father while your mother watches. It's not exactly great knowing you're in danger all the time…" Izaya's hand rose to finger the bruise on Shizuo's cheek. "It's not easy to worry about the person you love."

Shizuo's hand rose to cover the raven's, his eyes wide and imploring.

"You love me?"

"You already knew that, dumbass."

"You're ruining this moment."

"It was never meant to be a moment!"

"Fine. Then neither is _this_ moment. I'll get my shit this weekend, and we can move it in your room."

"Really? You mean it?"

"Yup."

The raven tackled him around the neck, and Shizuo couldn't help the smile that slowly covered his face, making the wound on his cheek throb.

"Yeah, sure," Izaya said, voice shaking. "This isn't a big deal at all."

"Nope. And by the way, asshole, I kind of love you too."

* * *

_Sachi: *dies* _

_Izaya: This was a short chapter._

_Shizuo: Yeah, you made everyone wait, and it's short as hell. What gives?!_

_Sachi: It's fucking 6:30 in the morning here, and I've been up all night! SUE ME. Anywho, review for love, my dears! Sorry for the length, but enjoy the fluff while it lasts! WE'RE GETTING SO CLOSE TO THE ANGST! DX_


	7. Chapter 7

_What do I do for writer's block? I listen to music and read relentlessly! But for this chapter, my soundtrack was "Welcome to Night Vale". Seriously, guys. Cecil Baldwin. 'Nuff said. So yeah, time for an update! And this one is much more lengthy than the last! See there? I'm trying! I WILL FINISH THIS STORY! With that said, I'm still a part of the DRRR! fandom, but my interest is entirely elsewhere, so I don't know when I'll start a new story for this fandom. :/ I always try to keep myself in all the fandoms I hitch my wagon to, but at this rate, I fear I'll end up half assing stuff if I try to force my interest back, so it's best to just wait for it to return, and trust me, it always returns. I managed to churn this chapter out, didn't I?! So just trust me! Let's move onto your love! __Quiet. Crash__, you should read Homestuck. I actually read all the way to act three thinking it was the weirdest shit in the world, and then before I knew it, I was so far sucked in that I read it all. So that's where I've been! And I miss you too! You can always talk to me over tumblr! __Logic Dive__, I never left! I was just sidetracked by other things! Life, man. LIFE. I might create another account to RP under, and just not tell you, so it'll keep you guessing. Hehehehe. __SparklySnickers__, :D I'm glad you were excited! You are a saint, because I share your views, and I'm an angel. Sometimes. An angel who write gay porn. A GAYNGEL. I can't stop the torture! It's what I do best! __Kira-Lime Orijima__, Shizaya smut is soon to come, I assure you. I thought his mother needed to hear it! __UnderdogHero__, it's always nice to stumble upon updates! __Guest__, yes, I'm glad you like it! :D __tsukicchan__, hehehe, I thought so too! __MissVampyre__, it's so nice to have a regular reviewer like you! *loves* And I understand that things come up! That's why my chapters aren't as frequent as they used to be. __parkourmaster07__, awwwwww, thank you so much! I hope you read "Insanely Yours" first though! __Ashley-poo__, call me whatever you want, babydoll! Hi back to you! THANK YOU FOR THE LOVE! Now, my dears, plot development! Hehehe._

* * *

_Moving Forward, Moving Backwards_

Shizuo woke up earlier than usual. Maybe it was due to the fact that the space next to him was empty and cold, or maybe it was due to the rather intimidating nightmare he had just woken up from. He didn't remember any vivid details, but he seemed to recall the night terror having something to do with Izaya. Stranger still, there were actual _tears_ in his eyes. Shizuo couldn't actually recall the last time he had cried, but he knew it had been more than a while ago. The fact that Izaya wasn't in the room wasn't helping.

The door clicked open suddenly, and Izaya was there, fully dressed and holding two mugs of coffee. He wore his usual smirk, but it seemed to be more forced than usual. Shizuo didn't miss the noticeable dark circles under the raven's eyes, nor did he miss how loosely the clothes fit his emaciated frame. Shizuo couldn't actually remember the last time he had seen the younger male eat a full meal, and it was getting harder and harder not to mention it. Still, Izaya had to have a small sense of normalcy, and fawning over him wasn't going to provide that.

"Well I came in here to wake you up, but I see you beat me to it!" Izaya said, placing both coffee cups on the bedside table. "Sleep well?"

"Sort of," Shizuo said, reaching over for his own mug. "What time did you wake up today?"

"Eh, earlier, who knows," the raven flopped down next to him. "Who could sleep with all the excitement in the air? Today's moving day for you!"

"Ugh."

"Is that pessimism I'm hearing?"

"It's 'I don't want to spend all goddamn day moving shit around' that you're hearing."

"Shizu-chan!" Izaya swatted him on the arm. "Lighten up! Today is a good day! I can feel it."

"If you don't pass out, then yeah, it'll be alright. Seriously, louse, why the hell aren't you sleeping? We didn't even go to bed until after midnight."

"Don't worry so much! I can just nap later after you're all settled in. Aren't you at least a little excited?"

Shizuo frowned up at him, but managed to nod, sipping his coffee to stop himself from saying anything stupid. Izaya grinned at him, and took his own coffee cup, clacking it against the blonde's, saying today would be good again. Shizuo wasn't sure which of them he was trying to convince, or if he was even talking to anyone in particular. There had been an odd sort of presence around them lately, one that the blonde couldn't quite explain. Sometimes he'd walk in to see Izaya talking to the air around himself, but he didn't like to think about it. He remembered what Shinra said about hearing voices and having hallucinations, but still. This was _Izaya_, and it was hard to fathom.

Pretend, pretend, pretend. That's all the two of them seemed to do these days.

After Shizuo got dressed, the two of them ventured into the kitchen to find Megumi over the stove, and Kanra at the table, pouring over thick text books. She glanced up at them, making an over exaggerated kissy face, before turning back to the print.

"Are you two almost ready to go?" Megumi asked. She had insisted on accompanying them, although Izaya wasn't too keen on the idea. She wasn't about to let them go by themselves in case Shizuo's father was there, and they could also use her car to carry more things, but Shizuo understood where Izaya was coming from. _He_ didn't like being babysat either, but he figured he could put up with it, since the Oriharas were letting him in their home.

"We've _been_ ready," Izaya said, placing the two coffee cups in the sink.

"Why don't you eat something, sweetie?"

"I'm not really too hungry after all the coffee I drank," he turned to Shizuo, "if you're hungry though, we can sit here for a bit. I don't mind."

"Um, no, I'm good, I guess," the brute responded, shifting on his feet.

"You're too thin, dumbass," Kanra said to Izaya, not looking up from her books. "You should consider eating some _real_ meat, if you get my drift." Shizuo flushed as she winked at him, and Izaya flipped her off discreetly.

"I'm sure you do enough of that for the both of us," he told her scathingly.

"Least I'm not moving my main source into my room. It must be nice having your boyfriend live with you."

"Be quiet, both of you," Megumi said as she took her apron off. "Kanra, Shizuo doesn't have anywhere else to go, and the two of them will be toeing a _very_ thin line when it comes to _those_ sorts of activities in my house. And Izaya, we're not going anywhere until you two boys eat something. Your sister is right; you're too thin."

Scowling at her, Izaya grabbed a piece of toast and nibbled at it, while Shizuo took a strip of bacon. Megumi left the room to presumably grab her purse, and Izaya turned his attention to Kanra.

"Hey, where's Dad at now?" he asked her.

"A few towns over, I think. Mom said he's supposed to be back sometime this week, but I wouldn't be surprised if he's not. You know how he is," she said.

Izaya's father was traveling with his agency to create a new campaign for new snacks one of their clients was trying to singlehandedly lift off the ground. He explained to them all a few months ago that it was going to be a long trip, because the snacks were completely nasty, and would probably take forever to get on the shelves of any store anywhere, but the client was huge, and they couldn't afford to lose the business. How Megumi managed so much on her own was always a mystery to Shizuo, but he supposed the wealthy check her husband provided made things easier to manage. Still, he could see how much the family missed him, even if none of them ever said so.

"Yeah, I know," Izaya said, tossing the rest of his barely eaten toast in the garbage. "I guess he'll be gone for Christmas again."

"Probably."

"Okay, ready to go!" Megumi said as she walked back in the room. If she picked up on the morose topic, she didn't mention it, which Shizuo was grateful for. He supposed she probably missed her husband more than any of them did, but she never seemed upset about it. She was probably the strongest, if not _the_ strongest person he knew. Not that he'd ever say so, of course.

As they clamored in the car, he couldn't help but wonder what his mother would say when she learned he was moving out. She didn't have any legal hold on him anymore, but he was still confused by her sudden interest in his wellbeing during his last visit. Was she seriously concerned, or just trying to act as though she wasn't entirely useless? He had more enough reason to doubt her concern, seeing as how she never seemed to care before. He was being honest with her, even if it came out more harshly than he meant it to. He chewed his lip as he watched the trees zoom past the car in a blur of green and brown, more nervous than he thought he was, when suddenly a hand was in his. Izaya squeezed his hand with a brief whisper of "It'll be okay, Shizu-chan," and Shizuo squeezed his fingers back, agreeing silently. It _would_ all be okay, wouldn't it? It had to be.

The car slowed down as they approached the large brick house on the corner, the house that never felt like home. Shizuo stepped out of the car first, shivering at the cool autumn air. If there was a silver lining in all of this, which he was more than certain there _had_ to be, it was that Izaya was here to help him, and he here to help Izaya. They were both more than a little messed up, and the raven was more or less legally insane, but somehow it all seemed okay as long as they were together. And, if anything, being closer together could only help Izaya in the long run. Maybe having an anchor to reality would help him understand what, and who, wasn't real. Or at least, Shizuo hoped so. Perhaps he'd ask Shinra next time he saw him.

But then again, that was kind of a stupid thought, and he decided it probably wasn't worth asking.

The door opened before he even stepped foot on the porch, and his mother was there, brown hair swept into a ponytail, and eyes wide and seemingly tearful. A smile was on her face, most likely because she thought he was here to stay a while, and for a moment, just a brief passing moment, he felt sympathy for her. But it passed as soon as it came, and he managed to keep his face impassive.

"Shizuo!" she greeted, running to him and hugging him around the neck. He had long since been taller than her, and even though he was still so, _so_ angry with her, he couldn't help but hug her back.

"Mom," he said quietly. She kissed his cheek, pulling back to look at the now fading bruise on his face, tracing her fingers across it sadly, before her attention was brought to Izaya and his mother walking towards the porch.

"What's going on?" she asked. Shizuo looked away from her, suddenly finding the house next door very interesting.

"Hello, Namiko," Izaya's mom said pleasantly. "I'm sure you're wondering why we're all here."

"I…yes, I was."

Megumi turned to Izaya briefly, "Why don't you two go ahead and get his stuff together, dear?" Shizuo didn't turn back as he walked passed them, finding it easier to focus instead on Izaya's hand in his. This was the right thing to do, he reminded himself. This was good for everyone involved.

"Did you…want some tea or anything?" Namiko asked quietly, not used to having company. She hadn't seen or heard from the woman in front of her in years, aside from their brief phone conversation a few days ago, and was suddenly expected to play host. Megumi shook her head.

"No, thank you. Don't strain yourself on my account. We both know any act of hospitality might cause you to short circuit."

"Are we not going to be civil, Megumi?"

"I'm being perfectly _civil_, Namiko."

Both women sighed audibly, as if suddenly realizing it would be in everyone's best interest to act like mature adults, even if it was easier to hide behind scathing insults and misplaced bitterness.

"Yes…tea would be lovely."

"I'll make some for us…"

Megumi looked around the house as she entered. It was as untouched as she remembered it being. Back when Izaya and Shizuo first met in grade school, she and Namiko had been close friends, brought together by their son's friendship. Those days had been pleasant. Shizuo was too young to understand at the time that not everyone's parents treated their children the way his treated him. It wasn't until much later that he understood he was being mistreated, so at the time, no one thought anything of it when he invited Izaya to stay over at his house.

It was the first and last time.

Megumi had received a call at midnight from her son. He was screaming almost illegibly, but she had managed to decipher that Shizuo's father was on a rampage of sorts, and the young blonde had gotten hurt. She rushed to the house as fast as she could, not bothering to knock before barging in. Namiko had been there almost instantly, trying to play it off as something that "wasn't that big a deal", but as soon as Megumi saw Shizuo's face, the new purple and black splotches that hadn't been there before, she knew she would never be able to forgive the Heiwajimas. He was terrified, of course, not understanding why Izaya was so upset about it. She found them huddled under the covers of Shizuo's bed, hugging each other. As soon as she uncovered them, Izaya tackled her around the neck, begging her to take them back home, and she told Shizuo to get some stuff together. Enough things to last for a lengthy stay, she told him.

When she got back downstairs, she found both of his parents in the foyer, the tall, unknown man staring daggers at her. Without a moment's hesitation, she marched up to him and slapped him across the face, the sound reverberating throughout the large house. Namiko had gasped, running forward to pull her away, but she merely pushed her off, rearing back to slap her too, before thinking better of it. The blood on her face signaled she had already been smacked around.

She was taking Shizuo, Megumi informed them stiffly, and they were going to let her. No child deserved to be treated like that, and no "man" would feel the need to assert dominance in such a way. Neither of them said a word to her as she rushed the two young boys into her car. It wasn't until she actually thought about it much later that she remembered the small voice whispering from the crack in the front door as she left. She recalled that it said "Take good care of him".

"Is your 'husband' not home?" she asked scathingly, though she really did try to take some of the bite out of her voice. Namiko flinched visibly.

"No. He's at work."

"I have to say, I'm impressed you could stay with such a man for so long."

"Can we please talk about something else? Please?"

"Fine. Let's talk about how Shizuo's decided to move in with us. We're here getting his stuff."

"Yes, I…supposed that's what was happening…" Namiko said quietly as the kettle began to whistle. Megumi watched as she took it off the stove, and poured the steaming water into two mugs, over two teabags.

"And?" Megumi asked.

"And what?"

"You're okay with that?"

"Shizuo is eighteen. It's his decision what he does with his life."

Megumi took her mug as it was offered, but only sat it on the table space in front of her. She sighed audibly, running a hand through her dark hair. "You're ridiculous," she said.

"How so? Because I'm letting him go?"

"Because that's what you've always wanted, isn't it? Someone to take care of your problems for you."

"That is _not_ what I've always wanted!"

"Could've fooled me."

"That's not _fair!_" Namiko hissed, slamming her mug so hard on the table that the hot contents sloshed all over the smooth surface of the table. "It's not fair of you to say those things to me! I wanted nothing more than to have my family together! That's all I've _ever_ wanted!"

"Then you should've made it happen! You should've left that bastard years ago!"

"I can't just _do _that!"

"And why not?"

"I was-!" she paused, chewing her lip. "I _am_ scared."

"And you don't think Shizuo was scared too? All those years, getting ruthlessly pushed around by someone who was supposed to love him while you just sat there and watched. Believe me, I tried more than a few times to convince him to just cut both of you out of his life, but he always told me not to worry about it. I guess he just had this _crazy_ idea that parents are supposed to love their kids. Weird, huh?"

"Megumi, you don't understand."

"Oh, I understand alright. You're scared for your safety if you leave. Well, you know what? That's all fine and dandy, Namiko. You go ahead and be scared of him all you want. But the truth, the cold, hard _truth_ is, it stopped being about you years ago. Anyone with a _shred_ of maternal instinct would know that the most important thing in the world should have been Shizuo and _his_ safety!"

Namiko was silent, save for a quiet whimpering noise. She refused to look up.

"So I think what you're scared of more than anything is the truth. And the truth is, you're a piss poor mother, and you know as much. I'd wager you always knew that."

"I've…been sober for a while now," Namiko said quietly, still looking down, "for a few weeks. All the time before, I wasn't, and… I know it's not an excuse, and I'm…not trying to make one for myself. But I'm sober now, and…"

"So are you going to get help?"

"I don't know if it'll help at this point."

"I'd say you need help for more than just substance dependency, Namiko."

"…Yeah. Maybe so."

Shizuo and Izaya walked down the stairs at that moment, holding a few bags of stuff. Megumi stood from her chair, offering a brief thanks for the tea, and led her son out the front door while Shizuo stayed behind.

"Shizuo, I…" Namiko began quietly, but her words seemed to catch in her throat. The blonde shook his head, hugging her briefly again.

"Take care of yourself, Mom."

"…You too, honey…"

And he left her then, walking out onto the sidewalk to grab Izaya's free hand in his as they headed towards the car. Namiko watched the car disappear down the road, tears silently streaming down her face.

For some strange, unknown reason, she couldn't help but feel like she'd never see her son again.

* * *

_Sachi: ANGST AHEAD! ANGST AHEAAADDDDD!_

_Izaya: Uh._

_Shizuo: More?_

_Sachi: Oh, so much. SO MUCH. Also smut. Yeah there's that next chapter._

_Izaya: That's more important than angst!_

_Sachi: Eh, they're both fun to write! So review for love, and a quicker update! You know I'm good for it, yo! _

_Shizuo: *sigh*_


	8. Chapter 8

_Hola mis amigos! I'm currently coming down from a sugar high. Have I ever told you how many story ideas I have in my head right now? They're like, overwhelming. So I have to get a jumpstart on this story before I get too bored with it! We must finish this story, you guys! In other news, I'M 21 YEARS OLD! *shoots party gun* I am now the lamest 21 year old in the history of forever. I went and ordered my first LEGAL grown up drink. I was the only one at the table to get carded. *sigh* The waiter apologized, at least. He said I looked young and I just gave him my best death glare. (not really. I like looking young so I'll be a hot 40 year old.) So, yeah, that's my life right now! Let's move onto your love! __Quiet. Crash__, let's all just hug him always. TUMBLR IS LIKE CRACK. __Kira-Lime Orijima__, *punches in the feels* Now c'mere so I can hug it better! __SparklySnickers__, IT WAS REALLY FUN TO WRITE! Is anything hotter than badass women? I'm not a sadist! I just get enjoyment out of torturing people to assert my dominance. Silly. *pets* __UnderdogHero__, funeral? I hope all is well! I've only ever been to one funeral, and it was hilarious. My grandmother died. (we weren't close) and it was an open casket funeral. My uncle walked beside me and said, "Well they kept that scowl on her face". I died. After that it just wasn't serious anymore, haha. Angst in this fic is absolutely necessary! Much love to you! __Rai Rai Blue__, glad you think so, love! I'm convinced you're a closet pervert, seeing as how you're all up in my business about writing smut. I'm all innocent over here, and you're standing there trying to make me write BDSM smut. For shaaaame! Hehehe. __ForeverInAbyss__, smut is a great break from angst! __Logic Dive__, that's gotta be the worst feeling ever, yeah… Give Shizzy lots of loving! __parkourmaster07__, ahhh, thank you so much! You're just reading all my tragedies, hahaha. Read a fluffy one-shot to make up for it! __incidentalmusic__, psssh, I'm always brilliant. Like Einstein up in here, only if Einstein was young and blonde. Who are we kidding? He was hot anyway. Him and his bushy mustache. *hugs* Hope you're well, Bunny-chan. __AHHH__, ALL CAPS, OH NOOOO! And you seem to have attacked your keyboard at the end there… *pets* It's all okay! DX Here, have some smut! ( I really just wanted to write awkward sex with these cuties.) On with the story, y'all!_

* * *

_Prompts_

There was a sound similar to whimpering, but it was morphing more and more into sobs. Shizuo grumbled irritably, still half asleep and unwilling to fully wake up and figure out just what the fuck was happening. Finally, with a growl, he pulled the pillow away from his ears and sat up, rubbing his hand over his eyes. The sound was fainter, but still steady beside him. It took him only a moment to realize it was Izaya making the noises.

"Hey, flea," he grumbled, shaking his bedmate. Izaya didn't respond, nor did he show any attempts at waking up. Shizuo frowned and shoved him in the shoulder. "Izaya. Wake the fuck up."

"…no…nonononononononono…"

"Yes, yes, yes! C'mon, it's like three in the goddamn morning!" The blonde tossed a glance to the clock beside the bed, which informed him that it was actually closer to four. He leaned over the smaller teen, and willed himself to wake up a little more so as not to be so grumpy, but damn, it was _hard_. Shizuo was far from an early riser, and his less than hospitable attitude was even lesser in the early morning.

"R-Roppi- s-sto…stop…"

"Oi, Izaya!"

The raven shot up, panting and clawing at his hair, still whimpering feebly. Shizuo eyed him steadily, not entirely sure what he was supposed to do. Sometimes Izaya liked being comforted after his nightmares, but other times he acted as if it was an inconvenience to him, and he didn't appreciate being fawned over.

"Uh…I'm not really 100% awake right now, so…do you…y'know, need something? Water? Anything? …Izaya?"

There wasn't an immediate response, but after a moment or two, Shizuo could feel the bed trembling from the force of Izaya shaking his head. He frowned, deciding he didn't care whether or not the smaller teen was in a "comfort me" mood, or a "fuck off" mood, and tentatively reached over to grasp his shoulder.

"C'mere, louse," he growled, pulling Izaya over into his lap. Surprisingly, Izaya allowed him to do this without any snarky remarks or complaints. Maybe this particular dream really had been that bad, or maybe they were both just so tired that fighting over it seemed stupid. Shizuo felt Izaya's hot breath on his shoulder as he breathed harshly, still trying to collect himself. The blonde just held him, not saying anything. He was almost asleep again by the time the raven spoke to him.

"I dreamed you died again."

"…The fuck? You dream about that shit way too much. You playing out a fantasy here?"

"No, you stupid fucking protozoan!" Izaya pulled away from him, carmine eyes dimly lit by the red light from the bedside clock. "I wouldn't be so scared if I wanted it to happen! Don't even _say that!_"

"Jeeze, I wasn't being serious! Calm the fuck down!" Shizuo pulled him back into an iron-tight embrace, running his hands over the feebly sniffling male's spine. "I know you aren't doing it on purpose. It's alright."

"It's not alright. It's not alright, Shizu-chan. I'm not alright, you're not alright. We're…we're so…_I'm _so…"

"Shhhh."

Izaya sobbed then, loud and heart wrenching, his breathy cries almost directly in the blonde's ear. Shizuo cursed and began rocking him slightly, trying in vain to get him to calm down. He wasn't any good at comforting as it was, but being half-asleep certainly didn't help. He just kept spewing some shit about how it was all going to be okay, even though he knew neither of them believed it. When Izaya pulled back to look at him again, his face held such a look of defeat and misery that Shizuo wasn't sure whether or not it was real.

"I feel like something horrible is about to happen…" the raven said quietly.

"It was just a dream, Izaya."

"No. It was more than that. They've always been more than that. Don't you understand that we're not safe? We're not- Shizu-chan, we're in so much danger and there's nothing we can do about it! I know it, I just…I _know_ it! I _feel_ it!"

"Izaya…"

"Please, _please_, Shizu-chan…we need to go! We have to…we _have to go!_"

"Go where?"

"Somewhere they can't find us…"

"They?"

Izaya shook his head, more tears falling. Shizuo had the feeling even _he_ didn't know what he was talking about anymore, and that was part of the frustration. He was silent as he listened to Izaya cry and tell him about things neither of them understood. It was just an episode, he told himself. It would pass. It _had_ to pass. And when it did, they would rationally talk about it. Just like they always did.

But Shizuo couldn't help but feel these episodes were getting more and more frequent, and it was taking longer and longer for Izaya to come back from them.

"I'm sorry, Shizu-chan…" a quiet voice finally said from the darkness. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

Shizuo only inhaled sharply, and called him an idiot.

* * *

When Shizuo woke up again, it was daylight, and way past time for school. Another glance at the bedside clock told him it was close to noon. He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face and gathering his thoughts when a crash came from the kitchen.

"NO!" Izaya's voice screamed. "I'm not taking it! I'M NOT!"

"You _need_ it! You know you need it! Please don't make me call-"

Another crash resonated through the hallway, and Shizuo jumped out of bed so fast he almost fell flat on his face. The shouting was coming from the kitchen. As he rounded the corner, he dodged a plastic cup being launched toward him, and saw Izaya at the kitchen table, standing off to the side of his chair, another cup in his hand about to be thrown at his mother, but this one was made of _glass_.

"What happened?" Shizuo addressed Megumi, but kept his eyes on his lover. She looked over at him with such relief evident on her face, and slowly moved to stand beside him.

"He hasn't been taking his pills," she said. "I caught him spitting them into the trash."

"Izaya, you need your meds," Shizuo said quietly, approaching the smaller male with caution. To his surprise, Izaya ran into his arms, dropping the glass on the ground as he went.

"She knew what I was thinking!" he wailed, his face buried in the blonde's chest. "Those pills are making my thoughts project onto people! I can't take them anymore, Shizu-chan, I can't! I can't! _I won't!_"

"F-Flea, you're…not making sense, okay? You need your medicine. Please." Shizuo's heart almost broke from what he was hearing, but he couldn't lie and say it didn't snap completely at the look Izaya gave him as they broke apart.

"Not…making sense?" Izaya asked quietly. "Y-You told me…you said to _tell you_, and I…"

_"Look at his face, love,"_ Roppi's voice said in Izaya's mind. _"Look how tired he is of this."_

"I…I don't…"

_"How tired he is of __**you**__."_

"Don't say that,"Izaya pleaded to himself. Shizuo placed his hands on either side of the smaller male's face, looking into his eyes imploringly.

"Flea?" he asked.

_"You know what he wants. What they want. I've told you all along."_

"Stop it."

_"They want to lock you up."_

"Stop _it_!"

"Izaya!" Shizuo finally snapped, shaking his lover's shoulders. Something in those wide carmine eyes turned savage.

"STOP IT!" Izaya shouted, rearing his fist back and plunging it forward until it made contact with something solid. Instantly, the voices in his head shut up, and were replaced with the more solid voices of reality.

"Izaya!" He heard his mother scream. The haze in his head vanished, and he was left staring into impossibly wide mocha colored orbs staring into his own. The blonde was holding his cheek and staring at him warily.

"You okay now, louse?"

"_Shizu-"_ The raven collapsed into him, sobbing uncontrollably, repeatedly saying he was sorry while Shizuo spouted more nonsense about how everything would be alright. After all, it was all he could really do.

Nighttime fell over the household, and Megumi told them she had to go pick up Izaya's father from the airport. He was finally coming home for a few days, and she was practically glowing with excitement. Shizuo could tell she was still worried to death about the little episode Izaya displayed earlier, and his heart ached for her. She should be able to have a nice night with the man she loved, and not worry so much for her son. When she was telling them they'd be back in time to fix something quick for dinner, he told her not to bother.

"Go out for a while," he said. "You haven't seen him in forever. We can order pizza or something." Izaya glanced over at him, and then nodded, offering his mother a small smile.

"A-Are you certain? I mean…" Megumi's eyes drifted over to her son. "You might need me."

"I can handle myself," Shizuo informed her. He could still see her pink-tinted eyes lingering on his now purple cheek. "C'mon, go out. You deserve it."

Megumi strode forward, placing a kiss on Shizuo's forehead, and then another on her son's cheek. "You two are beyond sweet," she breathed before scurrying off to get ready for a last minute date. The blonde turned to the smaller male.

"Do you want me to go ahead and order the pizza?" he asked him. Izaya shrugged, and then rested his elbows on the counter.

"You haven't said a word since this morning. Are you still thinking about what happened?" Izaya looked away, eyebrows furrowed.

"Look, it wasn't your fault, alright? I mean, just take your pills and you'll be fine. Shinra gave them to you for a reason."

Once again, there was no response. Shizuo sighed audibly, grumbling as he moved toward the phone. After placing the order, Megumi beckoned him into the hallway while Izaya's back was turned.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"I should be asking you that," she said quietly. "You're certain you're fine with being alone with Izaya?"

"Uh, yeah? I mean, he's still the same as he always was. As long as he's on pills, he's fine."

Her nimble fingers came up to brush along the bruise on his cheek, "I'm so sorry he hit you. I know he feels absolutely horrible about it, but we can't just pretend it didn't happen."

"I know we can't. But I really don't wanna talk about this right now," he said, turning away from her to observe his feet.

"Shizuo," she said a little firmly, eyes boring into his figure until he looked up at her, "we might…need to take what Dr. Kishitani said into consideration."

"He said lots of things."

"He said Izaya might need time…to think."

"You're thinking of an _institution?_"

"I don't want to think of it at all!" she said as quietly as her exasperated voice would let her. "But with the way things are going- and we can't just _watch_ him 24/7. I can't ask you to babysit him for the rest of your life! You have your own things to do! You have college to think about next fall! And his friends aren't even aware of the danger yet, and the school barely understands as it is… Maybe they…maybe time to himself would _help_ him…"

"It would kill him. You know it would kill him!"

"What else can we do?!" When she was so on edge it was almost impossible to dismiss the similarity between her and Izaya. He felt compelled to make her feel better, no matter the cost. _Anything_ to get that horrible look out of her eyes.

"Okay, let's just…let's just _think_ about it. And we probably shouldn't talk about it here. If he hears us, he'll…it'll destroy him. We can talk about it at Shinra's next little group meeting. Alright?"

"Yes, you're right," Megumi sighed, running a hand through her dark hair. "That's a good idea. Now, are you _sure _you'll be fine here alone with him?"

"Yeah, I can handle him. If you haven't noticed, I'm bigger than him."

"Haha, alright. Well, Kanra will be home later, so you won't be alone _all_ night. I'm not sure when we'll be back from dinner. If you need anything, just call me."

"I will, I will. Don't you think you should, uh, zip the back up?"

"Oh! Yes, um, could you..?"

He nodded, zipping the silky fabric in the back and telling her it was good to go. She smiled up at him, and pinched his cheek affectionately.

"I am glad you moved in, sweetie. You help out more than you know."

"Thanks, other mom."

She smirked and grabbed her purse before running to the kitchen to give Izaya another kiss. Then she came to kiss Shizuo on the cheek and told her for the hundredth time to call if he needed anything. By the time she actually walked outside, the pizza guy was driving up, and the blonde went to grab the money they were left to pay for it. He found Izaya in the same spot at the counter, the same blank expression on his face.

"Pizza's here," he told his lover as nonchalantly as he could.

"Yes, I saw the box in your hands, Shizu-chan. Anything else you want to enlighten me on?"

"Well, normally I'd comment on your snarky ass attitude, but I'm actually happy to hear your voice after the long day of silence," Shizuo said, tossing the box on the counter. "Are you actually gonna eat tonight?"

"I suppose I should be jumping to do whatever it takes to make you happy tonight, shouldn't I? After what I did to you this morning."

"Izaya. I already told you to let it go. Just take your pills from now on, and you won't have this problem anymore."

"We both know it's more than that."

"…C'mon, eat some pizza. I even got anchovies, like you like." He reached for the box, only to have Izaya's hand clasp his. "Izaya?"

"I just… Shizu-chan, you're so understanding about all of this, and I'm…being absolutely insufferable, aren't I?"

"No. I don't expect you to be happy all the time when you're going through this."

"That's what I'm talking about! You don't even have any reason to go through all of this, but you're still…" Izaya stood from the stool and walked forward until he was directly in front of the taller male. "Shizu-chan, why are you so understanding?"

"Because you need me. So I'm here."

"That's not-"

"Look, I can go into all the stupid fucking reasons for why I'm still here, starting with the fact that I'm a protozoan, or whatever the hell you wanna call me, but the reality is that I love you. I love you, and I'm here, and I'm really fucking hungry, so let's shut up and eat some goddamn pizza."

Izaya simply stared at him for a moment, before biting his lower lip and lunging forward, crashing their mouths together with enough force to bruise. Shizuo fell over, back hitting the counter as his arms stretched around Izaya's waist, half pulling him close and half pushing him away as he tried to regain his footing.

"Louse, what the _hell-_" he tried to form a sentence that was quickly cut off as Izaya's hips jutted against his clumsily, mouth still clamped firmly to his own. He groaned into the heated exchange, feet finally gaining purchase enough for him to lean on the counter comfortably as he accommodated the extra weight crashing on him. Remembering to give as he good as he got, his hands roamed lower to feel the raven's belt loops, thumbs hooking in them to pull his lower half forward just as he thrust upwards to create more delicious friction that had them both moaning in pleasure as their bodies tried to adjust to this new turn of events.

"God, Shizu-chan…"

"Yeah…"

The grinding picked up pace, and the raven's head flopped against his shoulder, pants and whimpers directly aimed in his ear to only extenuate the electricity pounding in his veins. Shizuo made an alien noise that sounded more like a growl as his hands lifted the smaller male up out of instinct, his brain only able to form an almost illegible _closerclosercloser_. Izaya made a small yelp as he was lifted, and it turned into another breathy whine as he was placed on the couch, Shizuo's warm chest pressed against his as their mouths memorized each other. The blonde reached down, his palms spread on the raven's thighs before he gently pried them apart to settle against them, his hips working to reignite the spark of friction that was only elevated from the new angle. Both of them were _painfully_ hard by this point, and their thoughts were becoming pure static.

"Off, off, Shizuo, _please_," Izaya gasped, one frantic hand moving down to try and loosen his fly before the blonde slapped it away.

"I'll do it," Shizuo said, though he wasn't faring much better as his trembling hands tried to remove both their pants without maiming either of them in the teeth of their zippers in the process. Izaya's wiggling proved to be helpful as he shimmied out of his jeans, nimble fingers helping Shizuo finally remove his own. The fronts of their boxers were soaked through already.

"What are we…" the blonde managed, his hips already grinding down again. Izaya understood anyway, the thankfully smart bastard. His own hips stuttered for just a moment before arching just as heatedly before to meet the grinding.

"Boxers off," he jargoned, his brain functioning much better. "We'll…have a hard time explaining the stains to Mom…"

"Heh, don't talk about your mom right now, flea…"

"S-Sorry, I just…ahhh, off, take them _off_…"

"Fine." He found it much easier to remove their boxers than their pants. They both moaned appreciatively at the lack of restriction before they took in the sight of each other, the weight of what they were doing finally crashing down. Izaya smirked up at him.

"Should've known a monster would have a monster cock."

"Shut the fuck up."

"This isn't bedroom banter."

"Neither of us would know how to banter romantically if we tried."

"Maybe we should shut up, then?"

"Probably the best idea you've ever had."

They kissed again, less out of passion and more out of trying to regain the moment. Izaya purred at the way their tongues slid together before he tentatively reached out to brush his fingers over Shizuo's member, barely grazing over the head. The noise the blonde produced was almost inhuman as he thrust upwards, trying to get the other male to _move_, dammit. A smirk played across the raven's lips before he obliged, finally feeling the full weight in his hand before he pumped slowly, developing a steady rhythm.

"Shit, shit, _Izaya_…"

"Good?"

"Don't fucking stop."

"Say when it's good, okay? I'm not a pro at this, obviously."

"It'd be a lot better if you'd shut the fuck up."

Izaya's hand sped up again, thumb sliding over the slit in a fleeting motion as another stream of curses escaped Shizuo's mouth in affirmation. The raven shut him up with another deep kiss, latching so firmly that there was almost no separate breath between them. It was enough to prompt Shizuo to reach for Izaya's erection in turn, trying to mimic the motions, but having trouble with the jumbled mess his mind was producing. Izaya thrust upwards into his hand more fully, offering little words of praise.

"Good, Shizu-chan. _God,_ just…just like that…"

"Izaya…"

Their pace continued until it picked up to their climax, Izaya teetering over the edge first. His head flopped into the cushions as his hand continued to pump. Shizuo came shortly thereafter, mumbling more nonsense as the raven milked him through his orgasm, the infernal smirk still plastered to his lips.

"I take it that was good?" he groused.

"If I don't get some pizza in the next few seconds, I'm gonna break something."

"I didn't expect you to say anything less. Your bottomless stomach comes first."

"Comes first? Like you?"

For once, the look of smugness left Izaya's face entirely. "Shut. Up."

The rest of the night was spent with pleasant conversation, playful banter, and heated moments. It was actually the first night in a long while neither of them mentioned anything bad. No impending doom, no voices in the background, no talk of mental disorders. Shizuo _needed_ that night, and from the looks of it, Izaya did, too.

* * *

Kanra came home a little after midnight to find them asleep on the couch, tangled in each other. She dropped her purse to the ground with a thud and moved forward to slap the blonde on the head.

"Hey. Better get up before Daddy Dearest gets here. He doesn't know his son is a raging homo."

"Ugghhh. Right. I forgot about that," Shizuo moaned, lifting the raven off himself. "What time is it?"

"After midnight, I don't know. Your pants are unzipped."

"Shit" he cursed, looking down to hurriedly try and zip them, only to find they weren't actually undone. Kanra was watching him with a Cheshire cat grin on her face, crimson eyes knowing.

"Fun night?" she mused, bending down to pick up her bag right when her phone chimed.

"Shouldn't you pry somewhere you're welcome?"

"I could, I suppose," she said, finger moving across the screen to unlock her phone. "Mom texted me. She's getting a hotel room with Dad. Gross. So you're free to stay there, I guess." She put her phone back in her purse and moved to the kitchen. "Where'd that shiner come from anyway? Your dad got you again?"

"Oh, no. It was your brother," Shizuo grinned, moving to grab a bottle of water from the fridge while she leaned against the counter to observe him.

"Izzy hit you in the face? Kinky."

"No! He sort of…freaked out this morning."

"Crazy episode?"

"He's not-" Shizuo began heatedly, only to be cut off.

"Yeah, he is. He's crazy. The sooner you admit it, the better you'll feel about it. He's hearing shit, you know. All the time. That's part of being Schizophrenic."

"What's your point, Kanra?"

"I'm saying maybe Mom's idea isn't so heinous."

"How'd you-"

"She was texting me before things got gross with Dad. It might help."

"He's fine. We had a really good night."

"And tomorrow morning might be just as bad as this morning was. I'm saying it's a cycle, a roller coaster. Maybe learning some new ways to cope is his best bet for survival."

"I can't even think of him alone in a place like that…"

"He wouldn't be-"

There was an all too familiar whimpering sound from the couch. Shizuo hurriedly moved forward to sit on the couch beside Izaya, stroking his back in a comforting gesture.

"Hey, shhh. It's okay. Izaya! Wake up."

"Nnnooo…No…"

"Izaya!"

The raven woke up jerkily, twisting around to try and curl in on himself before he realized Shizuo was there, and then he turned to wrap around him instead.

"H-Had…a horrible dream…"

"I died?"

"Roppi said…one of us is going to die…"

"Roppi can suck my dick."

"Hah…that might make me jealous."

Shizuo hugged him against his chest until the shaking subsided, and tried to avoid the smug gaze Kanra was leveling on him. He had control over this. He _did_.

…Didn't he?

* * *

_Sachi: HOLY. MOTHERFUCKING. BALLS. Do you know how long this took? How many huffin' hours I spent hashing this out?! I'm having such trouble with all this ANGST! SO MUCH ANGST! Why do I hate myself?! BNDbahjdgkyuabyudgvasdbgaesdyugedvesydbaesdgyedbet w! *cough* Alright, so it looks like this story might end up being one chapter longer than Insanely Yours. If I keep adding to this chapter, it'll ruin the overall theme._

_Izaya: What's the theme?_

_Sachi: Shut up, that's the theme._

_Shizuo: Hehe._

_Sachi: Review for love! I love your love. It's my life blood. LIFE BLOOD, I SAYYYY! *hugs* I love y'all! :3_


End file.
